5: ADHD and RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria treatment tips!)

 

ADHD and rejection! – The Yes/No Call

 

 

In today's episode, I want to talk about rejection sensitivity dysphoria. So we've just spent about ten minutes, maybe more, depending on what ended up on the cutting room floor about the problem of rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and how it shows up in your business.

 

 Now we're going to talk about a very simple solution that can help you overcome this. We're going to talk about the yes no call.

 

 And the fact that you made the jump from the previous episode to this tells me one thing you have crossed the line. You are exiting being a weenie, and you're entering being a winner.

 

 So congratulations.

 

 Welcome. I'm so happy to have you here. Let's make sure that your business is super successful so you can inspire other people to stop being weenie and become winners. Okay? So you have ADHD, you have this fear of rejection, perceived or real, and you're out here trying to sell your services.

 

 So let's have a lot of compassion for you in everything that you're doing to put yourself out there in your sales calls, in being a super brave human. Let's also have some compassion for your potential client who's on the other end of the phone, because just like people are afraid of getting rejection, if this person has any empathy, they're afraid of giving it as well.

 

 They're not wanting to give you some bad news that you're not going to get a client. And so it's really important as a business owner to normalize that it's okay for them to say no. I want you to think about when you were dating, if you're currently dating or if you dated in the past, when you go on like, two or three dates with a person, and the first date would be a lot of fun. And then something cued you in on the second or third date that this just was not the right person, and maybe they were a terrible human being, or maybe they just weren't right for you. How bad did it feel to think, oh, God, I have to tell this person that I don't want to see them again?

 

 Right? And I think with most humans who are dating in the 21st century, we can assume that you have probably ghosted someone at one point or another. It's hard out there. You do not want to go around making people feel bad because you're a nice human, and it feels bad to be honest, sometimes.

 

 We act the same way when we're doing business with people because we don't want to disappoint. We don't want to make them feel bad. And there's an added fear from your ideal clients that if they say no, that you're going to push them into the sale. Because let's face it, there are some smarmy, sleazy sales people out there who have bullied and harangued. I don't even know. Is that the right word for this? Harangue. Should we look that up? Am I using that right? They have bullied and manipulated their clients into becoming their clients. And let's look at how that usually goes. It usually goes badly, right? If you've been manipulated into becoming someone's client or buying something from someone, oftentimes you're not happy at the end of the day. And so what they're trying to do is avoid that whole scenario. And so what I want to train you on today is something that is game changing. This will honestly change your life. And I'm saying that not being sarcastic because I've seen it work for all of my clients who use it, and it's the yes no call.

 

 So here's how the yes no call works. It is exactly that. It's a call where this client, potential client, will either tell you yes and become your client, or they'll tell you no and they won't be your client.

 

 So how we set this up is at the end of your sales call after you've made your offer, after you've talked through it. And when they say that they need to think about it for a little bit, you are literally going to schedule a follow up call to get a yes no from them.

 

 So when I'm explaining the yes no call, I like to tell people if it's a yes, then on that call, what we're going to do is we're going to schedule your first session, we're going to get paperwork in order, all the things that will help them become a client. I also like to tell them that the no is okay. It's 100% encouraged for them to say no if this doesn't feel like the empowered, correct choice for them right now.

 

 And if you're like, oh, that's so interesting. Why do you do that? I explained that you know that feeling when your phone starts ringing and you look over and you see a name pop up and it's like a friend from college. I mean, it's a good friend. You've been friends for a really long time, but it's just one of those people who it takes a lot of energy to talk to, and you have to be in the right mood or else they can kind of take your day sideways with whatever energy it is they're bringing. And so you don't even reject a call because you don't really want them to know that you saw it. You just kind of like, let it ring. And you're like, I'm going to call them back later on my own terms. And when I'm in the right mode to talk to them, the call ends, you see a voicemail come through, and then a week book goes by, and then another week, and then another week, and then it starts getting weird because you haven't called them back yet.

 

 At this point, you know that they know that you saw the call. You saw the voicemail come through, right? And so in your mind, you've kind of started concocting like this lie about how your phone was acting weird. Oh, what voicemail? Oh, did you call? I didn't see that. How weird. And you go along in your brain with this story kind of running in the background, and then it's a few weeks later and you have a dinner coming up and they're going to it. And you had kind of touched base with them a few months before about bringing a very particular thing. Maybe you're going to get together and bring like one of those big balloon decoration things. And now you have to call them, and it's awkward AF.

 

 So we don't want that in our businesses. We have that enough in our personal lives. And what you don't want for your ideal client is you don't want them to be in a position where they ghost you because they're afraid of giving you bad news that you don't want to hear or that they project that you don't want to hear. So I like to make it very clear for my prospective clients that if it's a no, I want them to come to the call, and I want them to say, this is a no for me right now. And I want them to know that my only job in this whole in this whole situation is to empower them to make a powerful decision for themselves. But here's what I don't want to happen, is I don't want them to feel weird about telling me no. I want them to come to the call and say, no, this isn't right for me right now, and know that that's going to be okay. Because what I don't want to happen is three months later, when they're ready to do this work, when they're ready to become my client, I don't want them thinking, oh, my God, I never called her back. Oh, no, she probably hates me. I ghosted her. We were supposed to touch base. I got that email from her. Whatever. She probably hates me. Now I have to go and find someone else to work with when I really want to work with Katie. No, I don't want that at all. I want them being like, oh, cool. We had that really awesome, decisive conversation that then was not the right time, but now is the right time.

 

 Now I want to work with Katie. And then they feel completely comfortable picking up the phone and calling me.

 

 And here's the magic of the yes no call, is that it creates this kind of relationship with you and your clients, because your clients will now trust the crap out of you. They're going to trust that you're not going to pressure them into making a decision that's not right for them. They're going to feel comfortable reaching black out if and when they're ready. And they're also far more likely to refer people to you because they trust you.

 

 Because chances are you are not just in business to make money. I mean, sure, money is great and we all want a bank account that's full of money, but you're not just in it for that. You want to make a difference. And not only do you want to make a difference, you want to have really awesome, positive relationships with everyone that you work with and everyone that you don't work with.

 

 And this tactic that I'm teaching you, the yes no call, is a part of Holistic Selling, which is one of the programs that I teach. I actually have a digital course on it if you're interested. There's a link in the show notes.

 

 But anyway, it's a part of this greater ecosystem that prioritizes this relationship above anything else. Because I'm a firm believer that when you start with relationships, there's no stopping you in your business. When you're putting people first. I don't care if we're talking your clients, we're talking vendors, we're talking employees, you have to put people first. That relationship is going to be the currency that you're going to trade on for the rest of your life. And this is one of those very simple ways where you get to be brave, AF, lean into your discomfort with potentially hearing no and being rejected. But on the other side, you've prioritized this person and they're never going to forget it. They're never going to forget that you didn't care more about your wallet than you did about them making the right choice for themselves. You didn't care about a potentially awkward conversation where they were going to tell you no. They're going to remember that you put them first. And also, let's just acknowledge that there's no weird follow up when you schedule a yes no call.

 

 When you schedule a yes no call, you don't have to think about, well, I haven't heard back from them. Maybe I'll send them an email. Should I send them a text? Should I call them? Maybe I'll do all three. Oh well, what do I say? Do I make it really long? Do I find an excuse? Do I send them an article? Do I send them like balloon animals in the mail? How can I get their attention in a way that'll get them to give me an answer back?

 

 Those mental gymnastics, we don't have to deal with them when we just know yes or no. And how awesome is that?

 

 Now, of course, you run a business, and the goal here is to make money, obviously, so that you can do work that you love and make a decent income with it. So hopefully you're not hearing no. Hopefully they're coming to the call. Maybe they have a couple of questions about your services. Maybe they want to know what success rates you've had with previous clients, you know, on and on and on. My philosophy is by the time someone comes to the yes no call, if they have more questions about 80% of the time, they're going to be a yes, right? Because those are just the questions that they need to iron out in their brain before they can fully commit to this. The yes no call is not designed to be an hour long call. It's literally going to be 15 minutes on your calendar and usually it ends up being shorter unless it's a yes. Because if it's a yes, here's what you're going to do.

 

 So you're going to answer any questions that they have on your program or what the commitment is or the pricing, whatever. And then when it does become a yes, the very first thing you're going to do before you hang up the phone with them is you are going to schedule your very first appointment session, meeting, whatever it is, to get them on boarded as a client. Now, this is a hot nugget. This is one of the things that I teach in Holistic selling that will set you up for actual clients actually coming through.

 

 Because what we don't want to have happen is we don't want them to say yes right now. And then you say, oh cool, that's amazing. I'm so excited to work with you. Here's what I'm going to do is I'm going to send you an email with all the things that you need to sign up and to schedule your first call. Because you know what usually happens when you send an email with that kind of stuff? You get ghosted. You set yourself up to get ghosted again after someone has said yes. And I want you to put yourself in your clients shoes. What does it feel like on their end four weeks after they forgot to look at your email? They're in their mind thinking, oh my God, they hate me. Oh my God, they're going to be so pissed off at me that I never got black to them on this.

 

 How weird and embarrassing. And I did this to myself and now I can never speak to them again.

 

 So then, no matter how much you reach out to them and how nice your text messages are and how well crafted your emails are, and no matter what perfect time you pick during the day to reach out to them via phone, they're never going to respond.

 

 Because in their mind, they are now the villain in your story. They are the Ursula, they are the maleficent. They are Scar from The Lion King in your story, in their own mind, okay?

 

 And we all know Scar is a dick. But unlike the shitty humans and animals in Disney movies, your ideal clients have empathy. And so while Ursula and Maleficent and Scar probably wouldn't have any qualms with reaching back out after ghosting you for a month because they're dicks, your ideal client is going to worry that you see them as a bad person and they're probably not going to reach back out.

 

 So here's what you're going to do when you get a yes, your very first step is to schedule that onboarding session, meeting, appointment, whatever you call them and get it on their calendar.

 

 You're going to send them a calendar invite while you're on the call.

 

 Once you have that, you have my full permission to email the rest of the stuff that they need to do. Because they now have a deadline. They now have a thing on their calendar that belongs to them now, and they're not going to want to give it up.

 

 Now, here's something that I learned. So when I was in college, I really, really love J. Crew. I just I love their clothes. But I ended up spending a lot of money there, and I realized that if I got a job there, I could get the employee discount. So I worked out.. I became buddies with the manager and convinced him to give me a job where I worked 4 hours every two weeks. Now, I was basically a hobbyist at this store. One of the things I learned in training is that there's a reason why stores like that let you carry around your clothes. The clothes that you're thinking about buying, they let you hold on to them for a little longer than is technically, like, good service.

 

 Because it's so nice when someone comes around. They're like, oh, are those the things that you want? Do you want me to hold them behind the counter for you? Right? Or do you want to try those things on? Let me put it in the fitting room for you. The reason they do this, the reason they let you hold on to things a little longer is because the longer you hold on to something, the more it feels like it's already yours.

 

 And the less likely you are to give it back, the less likely you are to let them take it back and keep it in the store while you walk away. I'm not saying this is like a trick to get them to become your client. They've already said yes. They've already said yes. They want to do this. They've made this empowered decision to work with you. This just helps them stay accountable to that decision that they've already made. It helps them feel like, oh, wow, I already have this one bit on my calendar. It's already mayne I already see a solution starting to the problem that I'm trying to solve by working with this person. And then you get a new client, and you get to start working with them, and you get to help them with whatever struggle it is that they are having that they signed up with you.

 

 And then you get to help them get to an amazing result.

 

 Like, this is why we're all doing the work that we're doing, because we want to make a goddamn difference in the world. We want to help people in the magical way that we help people. You can only help people if they can become your clients, and they can only become your clients if you lean into this possibility that they may say yes or no.

 

 So a question that I get sometimes from my clients and from other people that I train on this in different talks is what can you do in between having that initial sales call with someone and the yes no call? Now, here's what I want to remind you, or maybe I haven't told you this yet. I don't know. (Laughs) I have ADHD! I sometimes imagine telling people stuff and don't actually do it.

 

 You don't want to schedule the yes no call too far in advance. If someone's on a sales call with you and they're like, listen, I really got to think about this. Can I have about a month and then get back to you? It's a no. It's a no. We're just going to say, you know what? It sounds like a no. You circle back when you're ready, and meanwhile, I'll keep you in the loop on new things that I'm up to, and basically they're going to be on your email list again, I want to remind you, this style is not high pressure at all.

 

 So one of the things that you want to do is schedule that yes no for hopefully within the next week. Within the next week of having had that first initial sales call, okay? In that week, they have time to actually think through maybe their finances, check in with their spouse, figure out if they have time to commit to your program, whatever.

 

 And after a week, they should be able to make a decision. Now, in that week, it can be excruciating because you're starting a business, you're growing your business.

 

 You really, really, really want this client.

 

 So some things that you can do externally and internally to help move through this and not freak yourself out and actually sleep and eat things. First and foremost, you get to make content out of the particular problems that they came to you with.

 

 Say you are a diet and exercise coach and you have a client who potentially wants to work with you and they're prediabetic. You get to get on the handle and share some thoughts on, like, things that people can do to backtrack. If they're prediabetic and they want to go in the other direction.

 

 You get to position yourself as an expert. Now, this may or may not have sway with them. They may or may not see your content here. You obviously want to be respectful of any confidentiality from that call. You don't necessarily want to name them, but you do get to showcase that you know what you're talking about and that you have compassion for people in that situation.

 

 You also attract more clients that way.

 

 Sales is essentially a numbers game. So while this person that you have a yes no call scheduled with may become a client, there's a 50% to 75% chance that they won't.

 

 If your pricing is right... and by the way, if you need to figure out your pricing, I want you to download the money map for coaches. It's in the show notes so you can figure out what to charge. Because remember, when you're selling a service, your yes rate should be anywhere from 25% to 50%, meaning only one to two people out of four should say yes to working with you if you're charging appropriately.

 

 So in that week that you're waiting for the yes no call, your only job is to go out there and get more sales calls booked on your calendar. Because let's play with an analogy here. Let's play with metaphor here. I love playing the lottery. I love going and buying a couple of tickets with a couple of different sets of numbers, and I feel like I have my hat in the ring to become a mega millionaire. Now, obviously, the chances of me winning the lottery are very low, but they're a little higher if I buy two numbers, and they're a little higher still if I buy four numbers, and they're a little higher still if I buy six numbers. Your chances of getting a client in your business go up dramatically the more sales calls you book. So while you're in your head and freaking out about this person who may or may not become a client of yours, your only job is to go out there and get more people booking on your calendar to potentially become a client as well.

 

 Now, the internal work that you have to do is going to be critical, because if one person who may or may not say yes or no, whatever throws you through a tailspin and makes you freak out, running a business is going to suck for you. I'm sorry. Let's just be real.

 

 If you feel a lot of anxiety leading up to that yes or no call, here's what you need to learn to do.

 

 You need to learn how to manage your anxiety. I don't care if you start running. I don't care if you start a meditation program. Maybe it's going to one of those cat cafes and letting all the kittens climb all over you while you pull hair out of your tea... cat hair, because you know it gets everywhere.

 

 Whatever you need to do to relieve stress in between this time, you need to do that. Now, you also I'm going to call you out here. If you're freaking out about this person potentially saying no, I know you're freaking out about money. I know you are. Like, that's a given. If you're freaking out about not getting business, you're freaking out about money.

 

 Now, let me tell you, the hard truth is that having more money will not change your relationship with money. Making more money in your business will never fix a bad relationship with money.

 

 And so you, my good friend, need to go and do your goddamn money work. You need to read books on relationship with money. You need to do some journaling, maybe get a money relationship mentor.

 

 You need to untangle your family story around money and you need to make sure that the math of your business actually makes sense to sport you in the future. Meaning, if you're freaking out about money, I bet you are charging too little.

 

 I bet you're charging too little because you probably have a few clients and they are not cutting it to pay the bills.

 

 So I want to remind you a great resource that's available to you because you listen to this podcast and you're a badass, is the money map for coaches and consultants. The link is in the show notes and I literally break down a simple mathematical formula that helps you determine how much you need to charge to pay the bills every month.

 

 And by the way, I just want to prepare you. The number you're about to get with your clients is probably way higher than you've ever charged before in your life. You're probably going to imagine asking for that amount and barfing on your phone and that's normal. And if that happens, if that number is just extraordinarily large and you feel like a fraud and you feel like you're going to throw up asking for it, then here's what I want you to do. I want you to go to the next link in the Show notes for Brave Biz Lab. It's on Fridays at 11:00 a.m. Eastern and I want you to register for the next call and I want want you to join us and I want you to bring this up to me that you've gone through the money map, that you've gotten some pricing and holy smokes, does it freak you out?

 

 And we're going to work on your money story together in group.

If after listening to this, you're thinking that you need a little more help with your money story, and your pricing, feel very welcome to join me this Friday at Brave Biz Labs.

It is a free call that I host every Friday at 11:00 a.m.. Eastern time.

And here’s the link - https://weeniecast.com/brave-biz-labs

© 2022 Katie McManus – Business Strategy (For Weenie ADHD-preneurs)