From imposter syndrome to entrepreneurial confidence - own your seat at the table!
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Time for another life-changing episode of The Weeniecast - the podcast for ADHD entrepreneurs seeking business strategies. I'm your host Katie McManus.
We're going to talk about the phenomenon of imposter syndrome and its impact on our lives as both entrepreneurs and individuals.
I'll be sharing my story of how I learned to overcome the the challenges of feeling like a fraud.
You'll learn about a thought-provoking game I played that reveals the power dynamics in social interactions so you can gamify your future fundraising and networking events.
Grab your earbuds and get ready for a half hour exploration of imposter syndrome that will leave you feeling empowered and ready to conquer your entrepreneurial journey.
Watch the episode promo
A game of 'status' - understanding our percieved 'worth'
I once participated in an intriguing exercise centered around social status.
The exercise highlights the influence that our perceived status has on our interactions and behavior.
Now that I'm aware of the energies at play within social situations, I can apply the exercise for shedding light on how imposter syndrome can impact on our self-perception.
In this episode I'll explain what the exercise is, and how you can apply it to your future networking events and meetings to understand how others percieve you.
Overcoming fear and embracing personal growth
It's my goal of this episode that I'll be offering powerful insights on combatting imposter syndrome and helping you with embracing personal growth.
We'll be emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance, finding a trusted partner, and developing a step-by-step action plan.
By redirecting our focus from comparison to relating and understanding others, we can free ourselves from the limitations of Imposter Syndrome and unlock our true potential.
The key moments in this episode are:
[00:00:30] How imposter syndrome impacts me, the business strategy podcaster!
[00:03:28] Overcoming Impostor Syndrome and building confidence.
[00:06:42] Status exercise reveals impact on self-esteem.
[00:12:42] Imposter syndrome sets in at intimidating dinner.
[00:14:50] Fear of inadequacy is self-imposed insecurity.
[00:17:11] Putting yourself in uncomfortable positions is necessary.
[00:22:41] Facing impostor syndrome? Seek expert help.
The next steps for you after you’ve listened to this episode are:
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Transcript for: "What ADHD entrepreneurs need to know about imposter syndrome"
In this episode, we're going to talk about how you making less money than your clients
or peers doesn't make you less deserving of your seat at the table. Get ready to get
uncomfortable because we are talking about impostor syndrome in today's episode.
The funny thing about talking about imposter syndrome, as I start mispronouncing
words because I start feeling like an imposter, as someone who has a podcast, this
episode is going to be one of those episodes where my ADHD listeners will know
exactly what I'm talking about. Because we experience impostor syndrome in every
single facet of our lives. Because throughout our lives, we have felt like an imposter in
every single situation because we've had to mask. As someone who's neurotypical for
so long, and I say this, it's not just for those of you who've been diagnosed later in life.
It's also for those of us who were diagnosed as children, right? Because just because
we were handed a diagnosis when we were 6789 years old doesn't mean that the world
changed around us. We were basically told, okay, cool, you have ADHD still go and act
normally. And acting normally has never been our true self. Right? We've had to put on
this act our whole lives so that we can pass as neurotypical, so that we can pass in
systems that are designed for neurotypical brains.
Just knowing that you're different does not make that whole experience different. For my
ADHD business owners out there who've been diagnosed later in life or maybe haven't
even been diagnosed yet, you just suspect that you have ADHD. For you, this is going
to be amplified because for most of your life, you didn't have that little nugget of
validation that acknowledged that you are actually different. And there's a reason why
you feel out of place in all these different situations. This episode is for you. But this
episode is also for anyone who's not a sociopath, who has impostor syndrome, who
doubts themselves sometimes, who feels like they're faking it, even when you have
years of experience under your belt. This topic is so real for me because last week I had
this moment of imposter syndrome that really caught me off guard. I went to this
incredible event in Daring, Connecticut, where I'm thinking about moving to.
So this event was kind of twofold, like, I wanted to go and check out the area and meet
some people and maybe make some friends. And two, it was a panel discussion in this
female founders group that I'm a member of, and the topic was around fundraising,
fundraising for your company. And personally, I have never fundraised for my company.
I've never had a company that required it. I have a couple of ideas for companies that I
want to start that will require it in the future, however, which is why this is super relevant
to me. I also sometimes work with clients who are having to go through fundraising
rounds because fundraising is essentially sales on a grander scale, right? You're trying
to sell the idea that your company is going to be successful enough that other people
should put their money into it to hopefully make some money back. And it's so much fun
to work with clients who are having to go and fundraise for their own companies. You
watch their confidence grows, and part of the work is showing them exactly how special
what they're offering is.
And really, it's an act in overcoming Impostor Syndrome, because walking into a room
and asking other people to put their hard earned dollars into a company that you believe
in and you believe is going to be successful takes a whole lot of confidence. And there
are some game changing coaching exercises that I do with my clients that really help
them make that jump from, oh, my God, I can't believe I have to ask for money and who
would invest in me? Into. Oh, my God. This is the smartest investment these people are
ever going to make because they believe so firmly in what they're doing. And how ironic
is it that I coach on this shit and I went to this event and I had a moment of massive
Imposter Syndrome myself. So let me set the frame. So this event was a panel
discussion that then went into a cocktail hour. And because I really wanted to get to
know people, I had also signed up to go to this dinner afterwards with the panelists and
the person who is organizing it.
So the panel discussion was incredible. I learned so much. The women who were on
the panel were inspiring. They had really put their money where their mouth was. They
had had ideas and just run with them. And along the way, one of the main topics that
people asked about was how did you deal with Impostor Syndrome along the way? And
it was incredible to see these women who run multimillion dollar businesses or
businesses that have raised multiple millions of dollars say that they struggle with
Imposter Syndrome every single day of their lives. Hearing that just reminds you that
your experience is not special. You're not uniquely thinking that you're unqualified for
everything that you're doing.
Everyone is doing that. Everyone feels that way unless they're a sociopath. The fact that
you doubt yourself, the fact that you question if you should actually be doing this, is
actually a mark of empathy. Because, yes, part of you is worried that you're going to get
found out for being a fraud when you're not actually a fraud. But you also carry fear of
other people being wrong about you for their own sake. You don't want someone to
invest in you and not get their money back. You don't want someone to sign up with you
and not get the results that they hope for. So I just want to acknowledge that if you have
Imposter Syndrome, it's a sign that you want to create incredible value in the world and
you hold yourself as highly responsible to your clients and your investors.
Those are two really good qualities to have as a business owner. So I'm at this event,
and I'm sitting in the audience for the panel, and then I go to the cocktail hour, and it's
lovely. And I'm meeting all these incredible people who are doing really exciting things
and in all different levels of business. Some are just starting out, some have just have
been in business for several years, and there are a ton of women there who are running
massively successful businesses. And it actually reminded me of this exercise that I did
in improv class when I used to do improv in San Francisco. And it's this exercise where
you're given a number, but you don't know what the number is. You literally have to tape
this number to your forehead, and everyone is given a number on a scale from one to
ten. And it's not about beauty and it's not about intelligence.
It is about status. So if you're a one, you have the lowest of the low status in the room.
You're basically the scum of the earth, and no one gives you the time of day. If you're a
ten, it's like you're the emperor of the universe, right? And so the exercise is you literally
have to walk around the room and perceive how people treat you to be able to guess
and act along with what your status is. So if you're a four and people will talk to you for a
minute and then kind of like, look over your shoulder but then gravitate towards
someone else, you have to start treating yourself and acting as if you are a four. The
incredible thing about this exercise is that when I did it, we did it for about 15 minutes.
And you do it for 15 minutes because you have to have enough conversations and
interactions with other people in the group to really glean enough data to understand
what number you probably are. What was incredible is that at the end of this exercise,
the people with the lowest numbers actually felt like shit.
They felt so bad about themselves because the way people treated them and the way
they had to respond in their acting, by acting as that low number, made them believe
that they were that low number. And those with really high numbers, I'm talking 8910,
they felt like they were the kings of the world. They felt like they were the most beautiful,
attractive, intelligent, sought after humans in the world. And it's amazing how this 15
minutes experiment that's designed to help you be better on stage doing funny little
made up shows, actually does impact your self esteem. And the lesson I took from it is
oh, what am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep listening to find out. But first
squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. And the lesson I took from it is that it really doesn't
matter. It matters your qualifications.
But when it comes to imposter syndrome, what matters is how you present yourself. It
matters how you hold yourself. Because whatever energy you put out is the energy
you're going to get back. And that energy you get back is going to be incredible
feedback for how you should feel about yourself. So one of the biggest fears that people
have when they're struggling with imposter syndrome is that they feel like they're a
fraud. They feel like they're faking everything. And the worry is that people around you
are going to find out that you're a fraud or you're faking it. And when we talk about
faking it till you make it, a lot of people think that you're faking your competence, your
ability to do the thing.
And no, we're not faking competence. That is, being a con artist. And con artists
shouldn't be out in the world. They should be in jail. And so if you are faking
competence, if you are going out and selling a service that you have no idea how to do
and you're taking people's money and delivering garbage to them, go to the police
station, please. Just turn yourself in right now. It'll make everyone's life a whole lot
easier. I don't believe in faking competence when I talk about faking it till you make it.
We're not talking about competence with a P. We're talking about confidence with an F.
Faking confidence is one of the best things that you can do for yourself and the people
around you. And when you struggle with impostor syndrome, faking confidence is the
only way to get out of it. So I'm at this event, we're at the cocktail hour, and the reason
I'm thinking about this improv exercise is because it was incredible watching other
people and how they would kind of light up when they were around someone who
reflected that they were impressive and dimmed as they were around people who they
felt small around. And once you're aware of how this happens with people, it's really
hard to not see. And also, it's impossible to not notice in yourself. One of the best pieces
of advice that I've ever gotten and that I tell everyone, is that if you are the smartest
person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
The best rooms that you can be in are where you are the dumbest person. Now, this is
really hard advice to take, because when you're the dumbest person in the room, it kills
your confidence. It takes a massive amount of bravery to be in those rooms because
you have to admit that there are people in there who are better than you in certain
areas. Being in those rooms also requires that you fake a massive amount of
confidence. So the funny thing about helping other people build their businesses to high
six figures, seven figures, is I actually help people who make more money than I do.
And if you're working with a business strategist or a business coach who only works
with people who make less money than them, you're working with the wrong business
strategist. Because how much money a business strategist or a business coach makes
does not matter when it comes to hiring them. What matters is how much money their
clients make.
Now, the problem for me is that as a business strategist and business coach,
sometimes I get intimidated by people who net more dollars at the end of the year than I
do because we have this constant drive to prove ourselves to the people around us.
And even as I'm describing this, I'm like, oh, my God, why am I sharing this with the
world? This is something that I shouldn't be admitting. We're living in a world where
people are constantly holding out the receipts of this is how good I am. This is how
impressive I am. This is how much time I spend at the gym. This is how much money I
make every day. This is how many followers I have. And because we see everyone else
talking about these numbers, naming their own success, it makes us want to quantify
our own success.
And so what's so hard when we show up at events where other people might make
more money than we do, might have bigger audiences, might have higher degrees in
their education, have accomplished more in their lives, is it's natural for our imposter
syndrome to flare up? Going to this dinner, I had no idea what to expect. I thought that
this dinner might have like, 20 people in it, and I might be able to find like, a cool little
corner of fellow solopreneurs who are fairly successful. But the idea of being at a table
with women who make multiple millions of dollars in their businesses or who have
attracted millions of dollars of investment for their startups, that felt super intimidating to
me because I don't see myself as one of them. Now showing up to this dinner and
getting to being the first person at that table. There were only six seats at the table.
There were only six people who had signed up to go to the dinner, and three of them
one was the organizer of the event, and two of them were panelists. And sitting at this
table as everyone else arrived. And hearing everyone introduce themselves and talk
about the business they have and what they've done throughout their lives, I felt myself
getting smaller and smaller at this table.
I imagined being back in that improv class and thinking, oh, my God, what number do I
have on my forehead? And realizing that I got to decide the number however it was that
I presented myself, however it was that I introduced myself. The confidence in which I
spoke, my tone of voice, how quickly or slowly the words came out of my mouth that
would all feed into what number people would see on my forehead. And you know
what? Knowing that did it made it worse. The pressure was really on then. It wasn't just
me describing what I do like I normally do to any other human in the world. I now had to
think about how I could say it in a way that made it sound even more impressive. And of
course, here I am at a table with these incredible women who I could learn so much
from and who I genuinely had a lot in common with and had so much to laugh about.
We had an amazing time.
But in those first ten minutes where I'm sitting here, wrapped up in my own fear,
thoughts in my own brain about, oh, my God, they're going to think I don't belong here.
They're going to tell me I don't qualify for this dinner, I missed out on that connection for
a full ten minutes. Now I rebounded, and there was a moment where I noticed what I
was doing to myself, just like I do with my clients. And it's like, oh, my God, all you have
to be is yourself. All you have to be is the person who has impact with her clients and is
really passionate about what she does. But it's incredible when you're used to being a
big fish in a small pond, when you put yourself into the big old ocean, the thing that will
kill you is getting worried about being small. And we all know that feeling of sitting at a
table and hearing other people introduce themselves and say what they're about and
talking about their experience and watching as it gets closer and closer and closer to
you and feeling like that insecurity of like, well, what do I do with my elbows? Not even
what do I do with my hands, but what do I do with my elbows? How's everyone else
sitting oh, my God. Getting not just worried about the words that are about to come out
of your mouth, but worried about how you're supposed to hold your body and how do I
have a body? Oh, my God.
And feeling your palms getting clammy and wondering, okay, well, I'm going to drink
more water. Oh, my God, I've drunk so much water, I kind of have to pee now. Do I have
to pee because I've had too much water, or do I have to pee because I'm nervous?
Maybe it's both. No one at that table kicked me out. No one at that table, after hearing
what I did or how I help my clients, was like, oh, I'm sorry. You don't belong here. What
happened was I forced myself to kind of be myself. I forced myself to embrace the
awkwardness because, let's be honest, I'm fairly awkward.
It's me. It's very on brand. I wear a hot dog suit. Sometimes you don't get more awkward
than that. And I talked about what I love helping my clients with, and what happened
instead was people leaned in. They're like, oh, my God, that's so cool. Tell me more. A
funny thing that happens sometimes when people get on the phone with me because
they're curious about working with a business strategist is they worry that they're not in
the right position in their business to qualify for working with a business strategist.
They feel like they're not far enough along, like they haven't tried enough stuff on their
own. There is this belief that only people who hit a certain level of success in their
business already get to work with a business strategist. And the truth of the matter is, if
you want to grow, if you want to make more money, have more freedom, if you want to
have a real impact on the world, you're going to have to put yourself in positions where
you feel like an imposter. This is as true for me putting myself at more dinner tables with
women who I'm massively impressed by and feel so much like a fraud around as it is for
you. When it comes to asking for help, one of the best things that got said at that panel
is that we need to be able to ask for help more, and we have to be more comfortable
seeming like we don't know what we're talking about because the more we're open
about that, the more help arrives. I want to be honest with you, talking about this is
really vulnerable for me because I know I'm the lady with the podcast here, and you
probably listen to this thinking, I have my shit together. And yeah, most of the time I do,
but also there are a lot of times that I don't. And I think what we all get flipped out about
is we think that we have to show this front to the world 100% of the time that we have
our shit together.
And that's not the point. The point of starting a business is to have an impact on the
world, to help other people. Now, to help other people, there's nothing in the help other
people guidebook that requires you to have your shit together all the time. Most of us
start a business because we want to make more money. We want to have more
freedom and flexibility in our lives. We want to be able to spend time with people that we
love. Nowhere in there does it require you to have your shit together all the time. There
are going to be moments where you are a mess.
There are going to be moments where you're a mess and you're aware of it and you feel
like you have been faking it and you're a fraud and people are going to find out and you
don't belong here and I see you. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I go
through these moments as well. Part of what I went through last week at this event is I
had that moment. I had that moment of, oh my God, these women around me are
dressed so fancy and I'm not. They have nicer shoes than I do. Maybe their businesses
are slightly more successful than mine. Our brains love rating things.
Our brains love doing the more than less than analysis. And the problem with that is that
our brains are really good at doing the more than less than analysis and not so good at
factoring in all the ways in which we're different than I don't run a tech company. My
company does not require millions of dollars of investment. So the fact that I'm
comparing myself against someone who has raised millions of dollars of investment for
her company, that doesn't really do any good because I haven't needed it. I mean, if you
have a few million dollars that you'd like to invest in my company, I'm not going to say
no, I can definitely make it work and I can definitely make some money back for you. So
contact us@weeniecast.com, just scroll to the bottom, leave us a voicemail about how
much money you'd like to give us and we'll get back to you with how you can make that
transfer. But the point being that you are going to feel like a fraud in certain situations
and that's just because your brain is in compare mode and not in relate mode. When we
walk into a situation and we're holding ourselves up against everyone else there, it's
guaranteed we're going to see our faults and their strengths versus when we walk into a
situation and we get into relate mode, we see, okay, well, where are you struggling in
your business? Oh, I struggle in the same area.
Interesting. And interesting how they're different because we're in different industries.
When we're in relate mode, we account for, oh, wow, you raised X amount of dollars for
your business. That's so cool. My business hasn't needed that and it's really not that
model that requires it. And yet we have some of the same challenges. One of the best
things that we can do to overcome Imposter syndrome is instead of thinking about,
okay, well, I have to prove that I belong at this table, I have to prove that I qualified to
even be around these people. Is we have to move away from trying to prove that we
belong and start looking for cool.
How can I help and be helped in this room? One of the scariest truths about running a
business is that if you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you're listening to this
podcast, I guarantee you have big dreams. I guarantee you have a goal for your
business that is bigger than your wildest imagination. And I also guarantee you have no
fucking idea how you're going to get there. And welcome to the club. Your job as a
business owner who wants to make a difference in the world is not to prove that you can
do this or that you're worthy of doing this. Your job is to stand up and say, hey, here's my
goal. I need help when my clients contact me or when people who are thinking about
working with me contact me and ask to hop on the phone and see if we can work
together and if I can help them.
That's their brave step. That's them facing their impostor syndrome and saying, you
know what, I don't need to know everything on my own. It's okay that I haven't figured
this out on my own yet. Because instead of trying to prove that I'm smart, I'm going to
actually be smart. I'm going to save time and I'm going to save energy and I'm going to
save my sanity by instead of trying to figure this out and throwing spaghetti at the wall
for years and years and years, I'm going to go to someone who knows what I should do
and will factor in my personality, my work style, my goals, the type of business I want to
start and will create a custom strategy for me by asking for investment. That is a move
against impostor syndrome. Going and asking for resources so you can make your
dream real and help more people. You could absolutely save and scrimp, sell your own
house, maybe sell pictures of your feet and pinch pennies until you have enough money
to make this real.
But guess what? By the time you have enough money to make this real, the idea will
have died. The world will have moved on. Maybe someone else will have taken the idea
and run with it. It's your responsibility to own that. You don't have all the resources right
now. You need resources and to go and ask for them. And when you're at a dinner table
where you feel like you don't belong, it is not your job to show everyone, hey, here are
all my qualifications. Here's.
Why? I belong here. I'm going to prove myself to you because that'll turn everyone off.
Your job is to show up and ask for the help that you need and give the help that you can
give. And if anyone at that table has a problem with it, it's the wrong table for you to be
hanging out at. In coaching language we all have this part of our personality that's our
saboteur and it's this part of ourselves that is only concerned with our most base
survival. So your inner saboteur doesn't care that your partner treats you like garbage.
At least you're not alone. It doesn't care that you hate your job and it's a whole toxic
environment.
At least you have a paycheck. Be grateful. It doesn't care that you live in a place that
makes you miserable, where the roof is leaking and none of the handles on the cabinet
stay on. When you go to open the door, at least you have a roof over your head. That
voice is kind of a dick. That voice doesn't care about you actually enjoying your life. That
voice does not care about you living a fulfilled life where you actually get to impact and
help other people. That voice will always opt for your most base revival over your
happiness and fulfillment.
That voice is sometimes our impostor syndrome, because your impostor syndrome, if
you let it take over, will actually prevent all these good things from happening to you. It'll
actually get in the way of opportunities coming to you and knocking on your door. One
of the reasons some of my clients, when they start working with me, they see results
overnight is because they're able to snap out of their impostor syndrome and that
saboteur voice so quickly and are able to start asking for the things they were too afraid
of asking for before, because they were worried that just the simple ask of asking for it
would show their hand that they weren't qualified to get it. This is why I go around telling
people to stop being a weenie, because this is the quintessential. Weenie is someone
who lets their fear run their lives. And to anyone who's hearing this and thinking, oh my
God, I've been letting my fear run my life, there are things that I have wanted to do that I
know will make a huge difference in my business. And I've been too afraid to do it. And I
don't know how to break out of this.
I want you to book a call with me because I know from personal experience when I
started my business, the fear was driving me. And the only way I broke out of it was by
having a trusted objective partner who could help me see the forest for the trees, who
could help me see what I had to give and snap me out of trying to prove myself
everywhere. And beyond that, when you work with me, you're not just getting the
mindset shift of breaking out of the fear, you're actually getting a strategy with a step by
step action plan. So you're not even guessing anymore. You just get to get to work. It's
funny all the ways in which this mindset of needing to prove your value to people can
pop up in your business candy seeing all the areas in which you can help your client
and trying to do it all, that's not you relating to your client, that's you trying to prove
yourself to your client. It's okay for you to have a small finite area in which you are
helpful to other people. That's actually where you're going to be the most helpful is if
you niche down and say, this is what.
I do. This is how I'm helpful to you. It's in a very small sphere, but I'm so helpful that this
is going to make a massive difference in your life, in your marketing. When you start
seeing all these other service providers or businesses that are talking about how
successful they are and they're bragging about their accomplishments and not about
their clients wins, your Impostor Syndrome can pop up. You can think, oh my God, well,
I have to start talking about that stuff too. When really your success rates don't really
matter for your own business. What matters is the impact you have for your clients.
There's a reason we have that saying the shoemaker's kids never had shoes.
The shoemaker was too busy making shoes for all their paying clients. Probably would
have been a better parent if they had also prioritized their children having shoes. But
you didn't see the shoemaker out on the street bragging about the amazing shoes that
they made for their own family. The shoemaker is out talking about all their clients and
how happy their clients were with their foot coverings. It's funny talking about imposter
syndrome, because even as I'm talking about it, my producer has had to give me pep
talks throughout this recording because I get sucked into imposter syndrome of thinking
about, oh, my God, how do I prove to the people, even though I'm admitting to having
imposter syndrome, that I actually have my shit together at all times? Which we all know
is not true. If you've listened to this podcast, I've admitted this more times than I can
count. So if you've ever seen the blockbuster hit Moulin Rouge, I want you to take this
away with you. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return is
true in your business as well.
The thing that stops you from loving and being loved is fear. And the thing that will stop
you from being successful in your business is fear of being seen as not enough. And the
business version of loving and being loved is helping and being helped. Whenever you
get sucked into Impostor Syndrome, I want you to go back to who in this room can I
help? And who in this room can help me? And I want you to lean into the trust that that
is the reason everyone is in that room as well. Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. Squirrel. If
you're ready to stop being a Weenie and actually run a business that makes money,
then go ahead and book a generate Income strategy call with me by going to
Weeniecast.com strategycall. On this call, we will talk about your goals, your dreams,
and your frustrations in getting there.
And if it's a fit for both of us, then we can talk about different ways to work together.
© 2022 - 2023 Katie McManus – Business Strategy For Weenie ADHD-preneurs