59. How to build discipline when you're an ADHD entrepreneur

Katie [00:00:00]:

In this episode, we're going to talk about how to build discipline with ADHD. A question I get all the time, and it's actually one of the top searches on Google is how do you become disciplined when you have ADHD? Before we get into how we develop discipline as someone with ADHD, we have to let go of the version of discipline that we have in our minds, that we see in movies, that we see on social media, that we hear talked about in books.

Katie [00:00:37]:

We have to let go of this idea that we're going to become rocky, that we're going to have the perfect diet, that we're going to be running through Philadelphia, up and down the art museum steps, and that we're going to do this every single day without fail. So many of us have had this vision of who we're going to become when we finally find the right routine, when we finally, quote, unquote, fix ourselves. And the only thing having that vision does is set us up to feel like a massive failure. Because for someone with ADHD, discipline looks completely different. For folks with ADHD, discipline is often goal centered. It's done best in sprints, it evolves over time, and it's reliant on momentum and not motivation. Now, there are a bunch of ways where we set ourselves up for failure when we're trying to become disciplined about something. And let's just use working out as an example because it applies very similarly to your business.

Katie [00:01:48]:

I want you to imagine you have all this motivation. You've decided you want to get in shape, and so you come up with this whole plan and you decide that you're going to start working out, but you wait for the motivation to hit you're. Like, oh, yeah, I said I was going to go work out today, but I'm just not feeling motivated for it, so I'm going to do it tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to start getting in shape, right? And then tomorrow rolls around. You're like, well, I didn't do it yesterday, and I still don't feel like it today. I'm still kind of tired. I didn't really sleep well, and I have a lot to do. So here's what I'll do.

Katie [00:02:22]:

Tomorrow's Wednesday. That's not a good day to start things on, so I'll wait until next Monday, because we like, starting stuff at the beginning of the week, right? It just makes sense that way. Then the next week rolls around, and Monday comes, and you had scheduled that workout, and you do go to the gym and you do a couple of things, but you're tired, and this is hard because you're out of shape, and you made this really complicated workout that you're supposed to follow. And then Tuesday comes and you're sore, and you're like, yeah. And before you know it, you're three months past this goal and You're Not In Shape. I mean, you have a shape, but it's not the shape you want your body to be in. We're all in some kind of shape. It might not be the shape we desired.

Katie [00:03:06]:

And you end up feeling like complete failure because you see everyone else being disciplined about their workouts and going to the gym every single day and doing the workout they assign themselves. Even on days where they felt really sore and tired. And you wonder what is wrong with you that you can't manage to do this. There must be something wrong with you because other people can do it just fine. Why can't you? And the thing is, that's the way neurotypical people do it. Neurotypical. People who have consistent dopamine in their systems, they can hold that discipline. They can make the plan and stick to the plan and follow through on the plan every single day or however many days they committed to doing it in a week, they can rely on that first little batch of motivation to really get them going.

Katie [00:04:02]:

For someone with ADHD. We have to build momentum. And building momentum sucks. Like, let's not beat around the bush here. It is so annoying. It's not sexy. It's not impressive. Like, literally, for someone to build discipline in going to the gym religiously and build that routine around it.

Katie [00:04:24]:

If you have ADHD, the first couple of weeks will look like this. Day one. You drive to the gym, you sit in your car and you play on your phone. Then you drive home. Day two. You drive to the gym, you go inside and you get a smoothie at the smoothie bar. And then you drive home. Day three.

Katie [00:04:48]:

You drive to the gym, you go inside, you get on the treadmill and you walk for ten minutes. Then you get off the treadmill and you get back in your car and you drive home. Day four. You drive to the gym, you go inside, you get on the treadmill and lightly jog for five minutes and then walk for 15 minutes. And then you go home. For someone with ADHD. We have to really do a slow build to build momentum. The goal here is to go to the gym every day.

Katie [00:05:22]:

That is the win. If you went to the gym, you won the game. When we set ourselves up for failure, it looks like creating all these things that we then have to go and do at the gym. I used to work in fitness. Okay. So I know how to make a really complicated fitness plan for myself. And let me tell you, when I come up with four different routines that I have to do for the four different parts of my body that I want to work, and I've decided I want to do three sets with this many reps for each one, and I don't complete everything. I feel like garbage.

Katie [00:05:54]:

Even Though I Got A really good workout out of it because I didn't stick to the plan. That's not helpful when you're trying to build momentum, because once we start associating failure with something or a place like the gym, what do we do? We get into the avoid cycle, right? Because we don't want to feel like a failure. We feel like a failure in a lot of areas of our lives because we don't do things the way that society says that we should be able to do them. And that doesn't really help us meet our goals. Part of what helps you build more discipline in the areas that matter to you is setting low expectations for what winning looks like. Like, what is the barrier to entry, for you to be able to check that thing off of your list of I did this today. That is what builds discipline. That is what builds momentum.

Katie [00:06:49]:

That is what creates a routine. A month into that workout routine where you're driving to the gym and giving yourself credit for just being there, a month in, you're going to be doing weights, you're going to be doing crunches in the stretching area. You're going to have made friends who recognize you and say hi to you, who will miss you if you don't show up at that certain time because they've gotten used to seeing you around that time, you're going to start seeing progress. The five minutes that you were able to run or jog on the treadmill, what was that, that fourth day? That's going to be up to 20 minutes. You're going to be able to jog for 20 minutes, and that's going to feel really good because it's going to give you hope that if you could progress from five minutes to 20 minutes, what's going to happen in another month, and what's going to happen in another month after that? And probably after a month, you're already starting to see some changes in shape to your body. There's more tone, more definition. Maybe you lost a couple of pounds. If you're trying to build a discipline as a person with ADHD, you need to think about what is going to be that low barrier to the entry that will allow for you to build that early momentum.

Katie [00:08:00]:

It gets to be small and insignificant and not impressive. Now, another thing that really helps folks with ADHD is when you're trying to build discipline around something is you have to tie it to a goal. If you're trying to wake up at 05:00 every morning and meditate and drink green juice just for the sake of being able to say that you wake up at 05:00 in the morning and meditate and drink green juice, it's never going to happen. That's not enough of a goal. If it's a contest so that you can someday meet, oh my God, this would be so funny because for a while, the Rock Dwayne Johnson, he did what was it like the Rock alarm. He actually developed an app because every single morning on Instagram stories, he would do a little story about getting up and going to the gym. And people started relying on it, and it became people's motivation for getting up. Like, imagine if he made a whole contest for people to do the same thing and tag him on social media.

Katie [00:09:01]:

Oh my God, I should be his social media account manager. Oh, this could be a game changer for him. This could make him so much more famous, obviously. But imagine he could have a whole army of people who get up at 05:00 A.m. And meditate and do green juice and then go work out. Because there's a goal of you could win this contest of getting to work out with him one day and maybe he buys you green juice for a year. Right? There has to be a goal tied to it is what I'm saying. And Dwayne, if you're listening, hi.

Katie [00:09:32]:

I hope you're having a great day. Hope you had a good workout this morning. I do this for myself and my business all the time. So if you follow me on TikTok, you'll notice that I've been posting every single day for 94 days. As of the day that I'm recording this, my goal is to hit 100 days. Now, I'm already thinking ahead. I'm already thinking, okay, I want to make this a 200 day goal because in 100 days, I've grown my account from around 560 followers to just over 1100. So my main goal was to be able to break 1000 and be able to have a Lincoln Bio and be able to go live on TikTok.

Katie [00:10:09]:

Now, my goal is to have a good following that consistently comes to my lives. And I would really love for there to be an average of 100 people watching my lives every single time. Now, that's not a massive goal. There are people out there who have thousands of people watching their lives all the time. I'm being realistic with myself because I want to be able to set myself up to win. I want to set a realistic goal that in another hundred days, or 106 days, if I'm being precise, I'll be able to reach just like I did with this first hundred days. Which brings me into my next point. Which brings me to my next point, is that we thrive in short sprints.

Katie [00:10:57]:

We're never going to do the same thing over and over again every single day for the rest of our lives. Okay, let's just let go of that belief right now. You're not Rocky. It's not going to happen. But if you assign yourself to do one thing every single day for 100 days, you're going to build momentum. And here's the thing about momentum is it is this magical force. You know, that game that people play at the end of a party? And it's not a game that anyone consciously starts. It's where one of those sad balloons has kind of slightly deflated and lost its lift, right? And it's not necessarily just sitting on the floor.

Katie [00:11:34]:

Like, it still has some helium that's doing some work, but it's not bouncing on the ceiling. It's on the ground kind of floating off and on. One person will just tap it and it goes into the air and it has, like, a really slow arc, and then someone else will tap it and then it'll float off in another direction. Another person will kick it with their foot. And all of a sudden, this whole group of people are kind of drunk, are playing this game of don't let the balloon fall on the floor. And as it continues no one has ever made up rules for this consciously. No one's ever said we're not allowed to let it touch the floor. But the balloon cannot touch the floor.

Katie [00:12:13]:

The floor is lava. And as it continues, as it hasn't fallen on the floor, more and more and more, the anxiety in the room goes up, because what if you're the person who lets the balloon touch the floor? You're kicked out of the group. You're no longer friends with anyone there. You're banished. It's the same thing with everything that we commit to doing every single day. If you want to get consistent on social media, give yourself the goal of posting every day for 100 days. It works. If you want to get in better shape, give yourself the goal of eating seven servings of vegetables and fruit every single day for 100 days.

Katie [00:12:51]:

It works. If you have a workout goal, do the same thing 100 days. But we have to set the barrier to success. But here's the deal. We have to give ourselves, like, the small wins. You can do the bare minimum and still get credit for doing that thing that day. So I've been showing up on TikTok every single day for 100 days, and there are some days where it's like 10:00 p.m.. I'm really tired, I want to go to sleep.

Katie [00:13:19]:

Like, I don't look good. I'm not putting my face on social media. And so I give myself permission in those moments to go and find a random video that I took of the beach and use that as the background video and then write a caption that's, like, over the video. So you kind of have to read it and put some background music on it. It takes five minutes. But you know what? I still succeeded in posting to TikTok that day. It's still a win, even though I didn't come up with, like, a whole scripted three minute thing of empathetic marketing that really shows people how I can help them as a business coach. Give yourself the easy wins.

Katie [00:13:59]:

You're making this thing that you're trying to be disciplined around, goal centered. You're giving yourself short sprints so that you build up that momentum because you don't want to drop the balloon. Now the other element here is you get to give yourself permission to let it evolve over time. If you have an ADHD brain, you're going to get bored. It doesn't matter how much momentum you've built up around something, if you are no longer getting any pizzazz from it, if there's no more juice in that goose, then you're going to get bored and you're not going to let yourself do it. Literally, your executive dysfunction will kick in because you won't want to do it anymore, because you're over it and you'll stop doing it. You have to give yourself permission to change what you're doing from time to time. And it doesn't mean that you're being bad with discipline.

Katie [00:14:52]:

It just means you're setting yourself up for success. So maybe let's go back to the workout example, because it's such a great example. Say you're really into a weightlifting kick and for 100 days you're going in and you're doing like an AB rotation. So on A days you're going and doing upper body, on B days you're doing lower body screw, doing AB work. No one likes doing that. So you're just doing AB. For 100 days you're weightlifting. Now you're going to get bored of that, you're going to get tired, just not going to be letting you up anymore.

Katie [00:15:26]:

So for the next hundred days, you're going to go and do some form of cardio. So you might do like an A day where you're running on the treadmill, a B day where you're riding on the bike, and then a C day that you're going to drop pretty fast on the rowing machine because that's hard. And then of course, you're going to get bored with that and you're going to move on. And full permission for you to evolve this and change it, but still keep it goal centered. As I was growing my following on LinkedIn, there were Sprints where I was posting every single day. And then there were Sprints where I was commenting for an hour and a half every single day. On other people's stuff, I was probably still posting, but not every single day. Just because you don't stick to the original routine that you set for yourself doesn't mean you failed.

Katie [00:16:11]:

It just means that you made it interesting for yourself so that you could stick with it. The thing that is going to take you out from building any kind of momentum, any routine that's going to help you reach your goals oh, what am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep listening to find out. But first squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. The thing that is going to take you out from building any kind of momentum, any routine that's going to help you reach your goals, is when you start comparing yourself and what your journey looks like to other people. Comparing is the death of happiness, it's the death of progress. It will make you feel like you've failed, even when you're doing so well, even when you're absolutely killing it. Let the people like Dwayne Johnson wake up at 05:00 A.m. And do whatever they do in their 05:00 A.m.

Katie [00:17:05]:

Club. I'm not a part of it. Let them share on Instagram stories, okay? Because just because they're doing it their way doesn't mean that your way is any less significant, any less valid. You get to do your version that works for you. What's the thing that Taylor Swift is doing? She's re recording everything is Taylor's version. This gets to be Enter your Name here version and find fun ways that will keep you motivated. My big barrier to entry when I think about going and working out at the gym is that I used to work with personal trainers who did all the thinking for me. And because I used to work out with personal trainers, I don't like doing Wimpy workouts because I feel like I'm better than that.

Katie [00:17:49]:

And so I was trying to figure out and I'm on Cape Cod right now, and I'm very picky about personal trainers, and I'm not going to be here forever, so I don't really want to spend time and effort investigating who's the best personal trainer to work with. So I was trying to find workout plants that I could buy online, and there's this very sexy man who chops wood. His name is Thorin Squirrel. Squirrel.

Katie [00:18:13]:

They've been making these crazy looking axes since. The idea is that these teeth will help widen the cheeks on the axe with these springs as it makes contact. But don't go buy one. I'm going to review it, give it a rating, one through ten, and see if it's worth it. Now you might be asking yourself, Thor, why are you putting on glasses? You almost never put on PPE, even if they are made of steel. The extra moving pieces make me very nervous. I don't know if you heard. That was kind of jarring.

Katie [00:18:48]:

I love his videos. He just takes the thirst trap and runs with it, and he tests out different axes and he gives you reviews on the axes so you actually get to find a reason to explain to people why you're watching this man chopping wood, right? Because you're interested in the efficacy of these different axe types. Obviously, you're also really interested in how different types of wood split, because obviously, when the zombie apocalypse hits, you're going to need to know which kinds of trees to go and chop down that are going to be easier to burn for firewood and to chop into logs. Anyway, he's apparently like a really legit personal trainer, and he's put together this whole app. And I'll be honest, the app has videos of him showing how to do all the exercises and I'm sorry, I'm a red blooded woman. Sure, that's great motivation. Yeah. I'll sign up for your app, sir.

Katie [00:19:45]:

You tell me how to do a crunch, please. The point being before my producer turns bright red and his face explodes out of embarrassment for me that I'm sharing this is that you get to make things interesting for yourself in ways that work for you. You get to motivate yourself in whatever way works for you. For me, it's looking at this very nice looking man and having him explain what I need to do for my workout. That's fine. You get to make it fun for yourself. You get to find different ways to motivate yourself. If maybe you have a goal of doing something every day for 50 days and at the end you give yourself a manipetty, maybe you're going to take you and your spouse out wine tasting.

Katie [00:20:30]:

Maybe you're going to give yourself like a day off from the kids. Whatever's going to motivate you and reward you at the end of the cycle. Set that in motion. Like, create that right now. Because we don't have to be disciplined just for the sake of being disciplined. We get to be disciplined and make it fun for ourselves. We get to make it interesting. We get to make it funny.

Katie [00:20:52]:

We get to be really involved in it. And actually, when we make it more fun, when we tie more rewards to it, we're far more likely to succeed. If you're ready to stop being a weenie and actually run a business that makes money, then go ahead and book a generate income strategy call with me by going to forward slash strategycall. On this call, we will talk about your goals, your dreams, and your frustrations in getting there. And if it's a fit for both of us, then we can talk about different ways to work together. And if you want to be like me and follow Thorin because you're really interested in different axes and wood types, then we're including his TikTok account link in the show notes. Go check him out. I mean, go and check out the axe cutting.

Katie [00:21:37]:

Obviously you're it.