87. 3 things that sabotage your business dreams!

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In this episode, we're going to talk about how you

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might be attracting your wrong clients and the

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three things that hold you back from ultimate success. Hi, I'm

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Katie McManus, business strategist and money mindset coach. And welcome to the

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Weeniecast. This is not going to be your

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typical episode of the Weeniecast where I'm going to tell you the ADHD business owner

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about all the inspiring ways that you can start your business. In this episode, I

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really want to break down who should absolutely not, under any circumstances,

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ever start a business. I've come to this

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realization of these three types of people through a couple different

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ways. So, number one, I find when I talk about

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certain topics, I draw these people in and I

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say, these people. I don't mean like, in a derogatory sense. I mean people who

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really struggle with these things. And when I talk about these three

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topics, they come into my world. They want to book sales calls,

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and there's genuinely no way for me

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or any other business coach to help them build their businesses, and I'll

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explain why. So this is something that I've really had

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to learn to shift in my marketing to break away from talking about

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specific topics, because it attracts people like this. And it's really heartbreaking to

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talk to folks who really want to change their life

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and do not have the fundamental beliefs or situations

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to be able to do it.

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Recently with a lot of my clients, they've been going through very

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similar situations where they're attracting people to book sales calls,

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and they're not their ideal clients. The way I've started framing it up for

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them is what is the pain that you're speaking to? Because there are

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people out there who absolutely need your help. They're so

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desperately in the hole with whatever it is that you help with.

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Yes, they need you, but they need you too much. They

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need you so much that they will never actually acknowledge that they

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need help. They will never actually change

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how they fundamentally believe what's possible for

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them. And those people can never be helped unless something

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real serious happens that shifts things for them. I wanna be very

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clear as I'm talking through this. There are absolutely circumstances

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in your life that you have no control over, things that have happened to you

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that have made life harder. And just the fact that those things

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have happened does not mean that these things may be true for you. What

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makes them a true impediment to you ever building a multiple six

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figure business as an ADHD business owner is the

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fact that you believe them. You believe that it is just a part of

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a greater narrative of how your life always

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goes. And I do also want to shout out that I am going to be

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talking about trauma. I'm not going to be getting into any details of trauma, okay?

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So talking about it in a more of a theoretical way. If you're

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experiencing any difficulty with PTSD,

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with dealing with traumatic events, please reach out for help. There is

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so much help available to you if you go into the Google machine

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and look up, you know, emergency mental health services in your

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area, please do it if you're really, truly struggling with this stuff. I do

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also want to name. Just because I've experienced trauma in my life does not mean

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I'm at all qualified to help you with trauma, okay? This is something that I've

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really veered away from talking about in my social media because every single time I

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open up about this, I get people in my DM's wanting help from

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me to help them through their trauma, and I am not qualified.

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And I'm also not in a position of my

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own healing journey to be able to support anyone else. So please do not bring

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your trauma to my doorstep. I love you and I support you and I want

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you to heal. And also, I cannot be the healer.

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There are three things that I have discovered in the last six and a half

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years of me running my business that tell me that someone

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is not going to be able to build a multiple six figure business.

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The first of these, I'm going to be very clear, as I say,

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it is trauma. And I'm not saying that if you've ever

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experienced trauma in your life that you're going to be unable to be successful.

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That is so far from the truth. I also want to acknowledge that if you

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have ADHD, you've lived in our world, which, I mean, unless you're an alien

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listening to this, everyone has. Life has been

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inherently traumatic for you. The amount of gaslighting that we

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experience as people with ADHD, just growing up

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in a world that's designed for neurotypical brains, telling us that,

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what do you mean? This should be easy? Oh, well, just try harder. Oh, just

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give it more time. Just do this. Just do that. That is

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inherently traumatizing. Now, it could be big t, it could be little t

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depending on who you are and the circumstances of you hearing

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that. So I'm not saying like, if you've ever experienced trauma in your life

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that you're not going to be successful. I will say that

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if you have unhealed trauma, that you are

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not actually working on resolving

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it will be incredibly hard for you to start a

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business, to grow that business, and to keep it running successfully and

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sustainably. Like I said, I'm not going to go into any details, but I've experienced

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some trauma in my life. And as someone who is a big

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advocate of mental health and removing the stigma of

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going for help, I sometimes open up about my trials with

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the process that I've gone through in overcoming PTSD.

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I learned fairly quickly to stop sharing about it

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because when I share about that, like I said in the beginning of this,

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people come to me and they want me to help them with their PTSD. Now,

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these posts that I share about my own experience, these are not sales posts,

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these aren't posts being like, well, I had PTSD, so you should buy for me.

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Absolutely not. These are genuinely just personal shares

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that I put on LinkedIn. And I love

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using this as an example of how you tell

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your own story and what you incorporate into your personal

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brand will actually impact the types of clients you attract and the types of

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people who book sales calls with you. Because even though I don't

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use my PTSD trauma story in any of my

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marketing for my business, anytime I bring it up, that's what I attract.

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So as a business owner who is promoting your good work

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in the world, you know, if you notice that sometimes you talk about

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a certain thing and it has nothing to do with your business, really, and you

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start attracting clients who aren't the right fit, my question

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for you is, what is the pain that you're speaking to? Because as

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business owners, if we're speaking to the wrong pain,

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we're not going to attract our ideal clients. If you're a realtor

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and you want to sell people vacation homes, you don't talk about the

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struggle of finding enough money for rent every month. Those people cannot be your

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ideal clients. They may think, oh, maybe this person has a way for me to

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figure out how to buy a home so I don't have to worry about rent.

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I mean, that would be so nice if you could, but in the current

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real estate market right now, it's highly unlikely. The pain you would

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want to talk to if you're trying to attract clients who want to buy a

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vacation home is perhaps like how to manage that home when you're not there,

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how to make sure it's safe and secure. How do you put in an offer

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so you're more likely to get picked, especially if the previous owner lived

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there full time. And they may want to pass this house on to

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someone who has a family and wants to raise their family there. Those are the

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pains you want to speak to and say at some point, you want to share

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about your own personal story and about how in your early twenties, you could barely

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scratch together enough money to make rent. Know that, yes, you are

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speaking truth. You are sharing vulnerably about your own life. And

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also know that you're speaking to a pain that is not your ideal clients, and

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it will attract people who are not your ideal clients. So back to the point.

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Why is unresolved trauma something that will prevent you from starting a business

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and doing so successfully? Well, I hate to break it to

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you, but starting a business will exacerbate and compound

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any traumatic experience you've ever had.

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It will bring up any little nugget of shadow work

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that you haven't delved into. Every fear that you have

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about yourself, every self doubt, it will

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blow up, magnify, and make it that much harder

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to heal from. There's an interview that Anne Hathaway did, I think, on the Ellen

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DeGeneres show years and years ago about how

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she had to take a step back and do some personal work. And

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she explains that before she did that work, anytime she'd see an

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article about herself where someone said anything that was even remotely disparaging

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of her because she didn't actually like herself,

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she'd believe them. They'd say this terrible thing about her, and

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she'd just say, cool. They're right. Absolutely. Here's more evidence

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that I suck. Squirrel. Squirrel. I gotten out of the habit of googling

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myself because that's just a bad idea to ever do that.

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My friends and I had an idea for funny or die, and we wanted to,

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like, do something on celebrity pregnancy rumors. So we just googled pregnancy rumors,

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and then the story came up. And what was the story? The story. The title

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of it was, why does everybody hate Ann Hathaway? And so how did you deal

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with all that? Well,

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I listened. At first. I couldn't help it, you

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know, and you try to shut it off, and then I realized why I

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couldn't was I hadn't learned to love myself

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yet. I hadn't gotten there. And if you don't

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love yourself when someone else says horrible things to you, a part of you is

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always gonna believe them. Squirrel. Squirrel. When she realized that this was the thing

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that was really making her ability to live her own life

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hard and took that step back and really processed all the things

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that she hadn't processed before and learned to like and really care about

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herself and to see herself for all the good things that she had.

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Once she came back out into the world and people started saying bad things

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about her, she didn't believe them anymore. One of the biggest

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fears new business owners have is putting themselves out

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there, emailing your friends and family and telling them that you're starting a business,

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opening yourself up to criticism and doubt from people who love

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you and know you so deeply, posting to social media and

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sharing that you can help people with something, and opening yourself up to

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the high school bully who called you fat and made fun

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of you, having a pimple on your nose once, that person saying, how dare

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you? What do you think you're doing? There's no way you could do this, or

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worse, just laughing about it behind your back to other people who

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made your life miserable in high school. When someone has unresolved trauma and they

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haven't even really acknowledged all the things in that trauma, what happens

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is they become so terrified of any rejection,

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because that unresolved trauma has really

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created this rat's nest of terrible

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beliefs that they have about themselves. And if they were to go out

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there and put their business out there and offer their services and

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ask to put flyers up in someone else's window or get on a sales

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call and present their services in here, no. That

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rejection will activate every single negative,

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toxic belief in that rat's nest of trauma. Most people are

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terrified of hearing the word no. But if you have unresolved trauma,

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that no actually becomes another trauma on top of

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all the other trauma. And I understand the appeal of having

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something really traumatic and awful happening to you and thinking, okay,

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I don't want this anymore. I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna change my life,

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and I'm gonna completely change things up, and I'm going to ditch this job, and

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I'm gonna start my own business, and I'm gonna start being the narrator of my

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own story, and I'm 100% for it. And also, the narrator

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can't be the narrator if they're still fighting the demons in the.

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If that narrator is actually the protagonist who is still

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working through their own, they're not going to have the ability to start writing

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their own story. The risk that goes along with starting a business as

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well is something that will

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absolutely, even if you are 100% healthy, which I've never met, a person

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who's 100% healthy, even if you're 100% healthy, will activate your

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survival instincts, because this is how you make money, and you need money to be

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able to buy things that help your meat suit stay alive, like food and shelter

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and water. If you're already in survival mode because you have

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unresolved trauma, is that going to be helpful for you?

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Absolutely not. So the first thing that will

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absolutely prevent your success in starting a business is if you have

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trauma that you are not actively working to heal, the business will not go

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well. It will not help your healing journey. It will actually make it

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immeasurably worse. And I say this as someone who

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started her business while on a healing journey.

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Key point here. I had trauma, and I was actively

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working to heal it as I started my business.

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Just because you have trauma doesn't mean that you can't start the business.

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But you do have to be working on making it better, or else

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starting a business is going to be one of the most unhealthy decisions that you've

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ever made. Well, maybe not if you. Maybe you've made some other really unhealthy

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decisions, but it'll be up there. The next belief that will prevent you

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from starting a successful business and having it run sustainably

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is, oh, what am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep listening

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to find out. But first, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.

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The next belief that will prevent you from starting a successful

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business and having it run sustainably is

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believing that you have a $2

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a month life. I used to say this a lot, and actually, now as I'm

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talking through this, I'm like, why don't I say this more? It's so much harder

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to start a business that only makes $50 a year than it is to start

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a business that makes $150 a year. One of the things that

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I hear sometimes on sales calls with potential clients that

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makes my heart break, just crackle into a bunch of little

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pieces and then fall to the floor, is when they say, well,

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I just need two or $3 a month to survive.

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And when I ask them, how much are you making in your job right

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now as you're plotting out your escape and wanting to break

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into working for yourself? And they tell me they're making two or

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$3 a month, it tells me something that will be a

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massive obstacle to them being successful. And that's this. That

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they don't actually believe that they deserve more. They don't actually believe that

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more is possible. And this is a very natural

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result of being a child who

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had ADHD, who is gaslit and made to think that you were

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lazy and you weren't smart. And all these other things were wrong with

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you, that no matter how hard you try, it's never good

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enough. So by the time you become an adult and you enter the

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workforce, if you're not good enough at your best, who the

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f are you to ask for more than $15 an hour? How dare

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you? Once a person who gets to that point where they're making

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$15 an hour and they finally feel safe in their career,

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they finally feel like, oh, my God, okay, well, I'm good enough doing this, two

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things can happen. One is, okay, well, this is it for me.

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This is it. This is just what I have to accept. I'm always going to

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be at this level. It's never going to change for me. I'm not good enough

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to go to the next level or okay, cool. The

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other system didn't work for me. This system, something about it works for me.

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What about it works for me? I want more. And the fact that I want

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more, I know it's possible to have more. For some people

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who get that first job out of college or after high school,

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who have this belief set in their mind that

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they're worth only a little bit because they don't think much of

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themselves, because they don't think they're smart enough or hardworking enough or whatever

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the garbage is, some of those people will just accept that.

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Others will take it as a fire under their butts to get to work

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to find the thing that will make the life that

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they've always dreamed of possible. If you're the first person, no

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business coach can help you. Because no matter how many strategies are handed

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to you, no matter how many how to lessons you invest in,

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you're never actually going to believe that you can build a six figure

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business. You're always going to be trying to build a business that

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will maintain that two to $3 a month,

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because that's all you believe is possible for you. That's all you believe that you

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deserve. Based on everything that you've gone through in your life, it doesn't

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actually matter how much money you're making when you start your

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business. And of course, I want to acknowledge the privilege that comes along with having

00:16:34
money, right? For someone who is in their mid thirties to mid

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forties, who has built their career up and has made

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a consistent $150 to $250

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a year, and who wants to start a business, of course they have financial

00:16:49
backing that will allow them to do that more easily. They also

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have the necessity of building that business up to

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$150 to $250 a year, because

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that's what they need to make to be able to maintain their

00:17:03
current lifestyle. I don't want you to walk away from this episode being like,

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well, I just have to believe that I'm worth it, apparently, and that's going to

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be the thing that's going to make it. No, that's not what I'm saying. What

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I am saying is that if you're only making

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two or $3 a month, and if there's a belief system that tells

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you that that is the max that you're worth before you go and start a

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business, I want you to prove yourself the wrong. I want you to prove

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to yourself that you can go out and you can get a $5 a month

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job, and that through that job, you can get a $2 a month raise, and

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you can switch companies and jump up to $10 a month. I want

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you to show yourself

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that it's not about how deserving you are as a

00:17:46
human being. You deserve everything that you want as a human being. It's

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about what you believe you can actually have. Because when you believe you

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can have something, yeah, you're far more likely that you're gonna do

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the steps to make it real. If you do not believe that you could ever

00:18:01
run a marathon, there's no way you're gonna start training for a marathon. There's no

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way in hell. What a waste of time. It takes so much effort

00:18:09
to train for a marathon. Why would you put all that effort and time and

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money for all the equipment and the training? Why would you put

00:18:16
all that into it if you didn't believe you could actually do it?

00:18:21
There's this story about Henry Ford, who is absolutely a problematic

00:18:24
historical character. So Henry Ford made cars,

00:18:28
if you didn't know that. And at one point in

00:18:32
his career, he turned to his engineering team and he said, okay, well, we have

00:18:35
a v four. And he's like, I want a v eight. And there's a frame

00:18:39
involved. And I guess it was really hard to fit whatever those v's were

00:18:43
in the frame. And the engineering team was like, it's not

00:18:47
possible. Absolutely not. You know, Mister Ford, go

00:18:50
and drink some more alcohol. Forget about this. Not gonna happen. And he's

00:18:54
like, yeah, no, it'll happen. And I'm gonna pay you guys until you make it

00:18:57
happen. And they tried and they tried and they tried and then tried,

00:19:01
and they failed a gazillion times. And then they did it. They made a v

00:19:04
eight, which is apparently very impressive. If you're a car person and you wanna

00:19:08
write a review and tell me why it's impressive, please do. It has something to

00:19:12
do with the car being more powerful. That sounds right. If you have more of

00:19:15
something, it could be more powerful. Right? So, like, lifting weights? Like, I'm

00:19:19
more powerful, the more weight I can lift? Maybe it has something to do with

00:19:22
that. Anyway, the point being is sometimes the belief doesn't actually

00:19:26
need to be your own. And sometimes you don't actually have to actively believe

00:19:30
something's possible for you. Those engineers absolutely could

00:19:34
have looked at Henry Ford and been like, you are on drugs.

00:19:37
No, like, go take your bath salt somewhere else. We

00:19:41
quit. You're asking something completely unreasonable of us. It's never

00:19:45
gonna happen. And they could have walked out the door and started working for another

00:19:48
car company. They could have done something else. There was a part of them, deep

00:19:52
down, they thought, well, this guy's a fucking nut job. But

00:19:55
maybe he's right. Maybe we can do that. It's worth a shot. The

00:19:59
point of this is that you don't necessarily have to be full throttle

00:20:03
believing that this is possible for you, but you need to have just enough

00:20:07
belief that you're not gonna quit. Then you're not gonna be like, you are a

00:20:11
psychopath. No way. And walk out the door.

00:20:15
You have to have that little voice in your head that says, you know what?

00:20:18
Maybe we do deserve to make another $5 a month.

00:20:21
Maybe we actually do deserve

00:20:25
to be able to take our family on a really nice vacation.

00:20:29
Maybe I could charge more than $75 an hour.

00:20:33
Just maybe. But if there's no maybe voice, if there's

00:20:36
only. You're. You're crazy. That's not possible for me. Then you

00:20:40
need to stick with whatever you're doing, and you need to work on your money

00:20:43
mindset. And you need to leave starting a business to other

00:20:46
people or to a later date in your own timeline, because right now, it's

00:20:50
just not going to work for you if you don't just have that whispering voice

00:20:54
that it might maybe be possible. And I don't think I have to explain to

00:20:58
you why that one is so particularly heartbreaking. And I share

00:21:02
this. To be that extra kick in the balls for you to realize

00:21:05
that you believing you don't deserve much doesn't just hurt you. It hurts

00:21:09
everyone around you. It hurts the people that you love the most. Because

00:21:13
the thing that you're communicating to them is that because you don't

00:21:16
deserve much. The fact that you're tolerating them in your life

00:21:20
means that they don't mean much, that they don't equate to much. So

00:21:24
if you're not going to shift this belief for yourself, will you please do it

00:21:26
for them? Otherwise, you're being a selfish and I don't want you listening to my

00:21:29
podcast anymore.

00:21:35
The final belief that I'm going to talk about today that will mean

00:21:39
that starting a business is never going to work out for you is. What am

00:21:42
I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep listening to find out. But

00:21:45
first, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.

00:21:52
The final belief that I'm going to talk about today that will mean

00:21:56
that starting a business is never going to work out for you is if you

00:21:59
believe the world is against you. If every

00:22:03
single negative thing, big or small, that happens to you throughout your life

00:22:07
feeds into this narrative of, oh, well, here we go

00:22:10
again. Look at that person over there. Things work out for

00:22:14
them, but for some reason, the universe just doesn't like me. This is just

00:22:18
another knot in the string of. I'm sorry, that's a weird

00:22:21
metaphor. David's gonna get a bingo card x for that. Where

00:22:25
Katie gets lost in her own metaphors. Actually, it was a sports metaphor that he

00:22:28
said. This is just a normal metaphor that I got lost in, that

00:22:32
I started down and it didn't make sense. So really, this is a new low

00:22:36
for me. Also, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, one of our

00:22:39
listeners, a former client and a current business partner of mine, David

00:22:43
Fryman, who's an excellent, excellent business attorney, by the

00:22:47
way, he decided to make my podcast into a game of

00:22:50
bingo. And he created bingo cards. So if you want to join the bingo game,

00:22:54
then please go to weeniecast.com bingo and download your

00:22:58
card today. Anyway, back to the world being against you. When

00:23:01
you believe the world is against you, you're right. You're absolutely right.

00:23:05
The world's against you. God hates you. Whatever greater power

00:23:09
you believe in is working against you at every turn. Every person in

00:23:13
your life wants to see you fail, and they rejoice in every

00:23:17
little time you do. You're right. And you will

00:23:21
always be right. But you know what? It's also true is if you think the

00:23:24
universe is for you, you're also right. If you think that God

00:23:28
or universal consciousness or

00:23:32
other deities or beings are all conspiring

00:23:35
for your success, you're right. If you believe that you're

00:23:39
surrounded by people who celebrate each and every tiny win you

00:23:42
ever experience, you're right. When you try to start a business thinking

00:23:46
that the world is against you, how are you going to deal with failure? Each

00:23:50
failure, instead of being just a little obstacle that you're going to have to figure

00:23:53
out how to either jump over, work around, or break down,

00:23:57
is just going to be a massive, huge wall that you can't

00:24:01
get over, because it's another piece of evidence that the world is against

00:24:05
you. And if the world's against you, even if you do get past this one

00:24:08
little obstacle, there's going to be another, and another and another and

00:24:12
another because the world doesn't want to see you succeed. But when you

00:24:16
believe that the world actually does want to see you succeed and you

00:24:19
overcome that obstacle, instead of looking for other obstacles, you'll

00:24:23
actually start looking for other opportunities. If you believe that the universe is

00:24:27
for you, you will actually start seeing obstacles as

00:24:30
opportunities, as chances to grow and

00:24:33
expand and see things that you wouldn't have seen before if you hadn't

00:24:37
come up against. This part of this is a perspective thing. If you have the

00:24:41
perspective that things are going to work out because everything's

00:24:44
conspiring to help you get there, you're going to start identifying all the

00:24:48
opportunities to make that real. If you don't believe in that,

00:24:52
then you're going to start looking for all the reasons why it's not

00:24:56
going to work. In addition to that, it's also an inner

00:24:59
circle thing. If you're the kind of person who's always

00:25:02
boohooing about life and how hard things are and how sad it is

00:25:06
to be you, and how nothing ever works out and all that stuff, what

00:25:10
kind of people do you think you're attracting to yourself? Like, who is

00:25:14
actually going to put up with that? Probably other people who are going to back

00:25:17
you up. Probably other people who aren't experiencing a whole

00:25:21
lot of success for themselves. So if you start experiencing success against all

00:25:25
odds, they will get upset about it, they won't want it for you. Because

00:25:28
the fact that you can have success means that they can have success. And if

00:25:32
there's even a question that they could have success and they're not having it, it

00:25:35
might reflect back that maybe the problem's them and it's not the

00:25:39
world versus what kinds of people does

00:25:43
the person attract when they believe the world is out to help

00:25:46
them? If you believe the world is against you, you're right. If you believe

00:25:50
the world is for you, you're also right. But the latter

00:25:54
is where you're going to be successful in business. So if I've described you

00:25:57
in any of these things, please never book a call with me. I can't help

00:26:01
you. It's going to break my heart. But I won't be able to help

00:26:05
you. Please go and do the work to

00:26:08
transform these beliefs around yourself, because no one will

00:26:12
be able to help you if you can't first help

00:26:15
yourself. And as you think through your marketing for

00:26:19
your business, get really conscious about the

00:26:23
pain that you speak to. Is it the pain of the ideal

00:26:26
client who can actually be successful with you? Or is it the

00:26:30
pain of the person who absolutely needs someone like you, but who will

00:26:34
never be able to be helped by you because they're just not ready for

00:26:37
it? And tell me, did you get bingo in this episode?

00:26:44
What's that saying? Birds of a feather flock together. So

00:26:48
what kind of bird are you being? And I'm so happy we randomly ended up

00:26:51
on this topic. This was not planned because this gives me an excuse to talk

00:26:54
about the shoebill stork, whose latin name is the balanceps

00:26:58
rex. They are large wading birds with massive beaks

00:27:01
that they use to decapitate their prey. They are also known as

00:27:05
whale bills, whale headed storks, and shoe billed storks.

00:27:08
Apparently, these birds are really unpleasant. They

00:27:12
aren't afraid of humans. They don't really have any natural prey, but they

00:27:16
also don't like each other. So they're going extinct just because they're not having

00:27:19
sex. Squirrel, squirrel,

00:27:23
squirrel, squirrel.