Episode 100 of "The Weeniecast" required something special
This episode comes with a freebie! - https://weeniecast.com/favorite-self-worksheet
There are a lot of podcasts out there talking about ADHD. There are also a lot of podcasts talking about how ADHD impacts business owners. But I guarantee none of them have talked about this topic before. That's because it came to me as an epiphany during some of my own heart-centred focusing.
I might have cracked the code to overcoming executive dysfunction, and I can’t wait to share it with you.
Hey, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and money mindset coach, and this is my podcast "The Weeniecast!"
Pssssst! Not sure if you've heard, but I'm inviting new members to the best community for business owners with ADHD - the Hyperfocused Community! You can join here - https://weeniecast.com/hyperfocus
Now, back to this episode...
I’ve been toying with a concept that’s transformed how I approach my daily tasks and, honestly, how I live my life.
This episode of The Weeniecast sees us celebrate 100 episoides, and so I wanted to share something truly special.
This is personal to me.
I explore why ditching your 'best self' might be the exact solution you need, especially if you’re an ADHD business owner or ADHD entrepreneur.
I know.
Yep, I know.
It sounds counterintuitive, but hang with me here.
This isn't just about fluff or wishful thinking; it’s about a practical approach that’s been a game-changer for me and my clients.
Think about it.
How often have you felt weighed down by the constant pressure to be your best self?
So we’re going to shift focus to a much more accessible and enjoyable version of ourselves.
Here’s what we’ll cover:
The Downfall of the “Best Self”: Why this supposedly positive model can tie us down with unrealistic expectations and constant feelings of inadequacy.
Introducing the “Favorite Self”: How a small shift in perspective can result in significant changes in your productivity and happiness.
Real-Life Applications: We’ll go through scenarios, such as tackling to-do lists and daily routines, showcasing how embracing your favorite self can get you out of the executive dysfunction quicksand.
By the end of this episode, you’ll be armed with a new mindset that makes the daily grind feel less daunting.
You’ll have actionable steps to replace overwhelming 'shoulds' with doable 'wants'.
Imagine rolling out of bed, not with a dreaded list of impossible tasks but with an eager sense of purpose and joy. That’s what you’re going to learn here.
You’ll find yourself better equipped to tackle your day-to-day responsibilities, manage your ADHD more effectively, and even enjoy the tasks that have long felt burdensome.
You’ll get more done, not by striving to be perfect, but by being your authentic, favorite self.
Timestamped Summary:
[00:00:01] Unpacking executive dysfunction and a promising new approach.
[00:00:36] The Problem with the “Best Self”.
[00:03:08] Introducing the “Favorite Self”.
[00:05:46] Real-Life comparisons between favorite self and best self in day-to-day activities.
[00:07:50] How shifting to my favorite self has helped me handle an incredibly busy life.
[00:09:53] Applications of the favorite self-concept among clients with surprising results.
[00:18:30] Practical Tips: Actionable steps for incorporating your favorite self into everyday routines and tasks.
Your next steps after listening
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Honorable mentions
Things:
Harvard
People:
Ryan Gosling
Mentioned in this episode:
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I think I found the solution to my executive dysfunction. And
Speaker:I don't want to guarantee that this is going to work for everyone, but I
Speaker:want to share it with you because I'm having so much fun playing with this
Speaker:new concept. Hi, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and money
Speaker:mindset coach. And welcome to the Weeniecast.
Speaker:I'm finding it's really changing how I do life
Speaker:and how I enjoy life and how I actually get done from my to
Speaker:do list. And so far, it's been pretty magical. So
Speaker:here's what it is. We're nixing the whole best
Speaker:self lingo. It's done. We're no
Speaker:longer thinking about our best selves. If you're a personal
Speaker:development junkie like I am, I guarantee you
Speaker:have several books on your bookshelf, if not like dozens,
Speaker:that will refer to your best self or your
Speaker:higher self as the, like, guiding spirits that you
Speaker:should be following. And I don't know about you, but whenever
Speaker:I think of my best self, I don't feel
Speaker:good. Like, my best self doesn't inspire
Speaker:me. It makes me feel so much shame about not being good
Speaker:enough. So let me tell you about my best self.
Speaker:My best self went to Harvard. She got straight as
Speaker:all through elementary school, middle school, high school, has maybe like
Speaker:a business degree or something. She owns a home in
Speaker:Cambridge, Massachusetts, has a super hot husband
Speaker:who's just ripped like Ryan Gosling ripped. They have a
Speaker:perfectly trained dog, which. How boring. She works out every single day. She
Speaker:eats salads every lunch, and she's super regimented
Speaker:in how she runs her life, and she never, never
Speaker:procrastinates. My best self is completely unattainable to me.
Speaker:My best self has circumstances in her life that I'm way past.
Speaker:It's not like I'm going back to elementary school, middle school, and high school at
Speaker:this point to get straight a so I can get into Harvard. That's not how
Speaker:it works. And also, the way she does life has never been a way that
Speaker:I could do life. I can't eat salads every single day. I
Speaker:really like bread and sandwiches and
Speaker:cheese. And every time I've tried to live a
Speaker:consistent routine for too long, I get bored
Speaker:and it loses its zhuzh for me. Whereas
Speaker:one particular participant of the Brave biz lab calls said,
Speaker:the goose loses its juice. And by the way, if you've never been to Brave
Speaker:Biz Labs, it is a free group coaching call that I do every fourth Friday
Speaker:of the month. I open it up to my whole community. It's absolutely
Speaker:free. You can show up and ask any question that's happening in your business.
Speaker:No judgment. There's no such thing as a stupid question on Brave
Speaker:Bizlab. And it's literally anything that comes up for you that
Speaker:keeps you from doing what you want to do in your business. And if you'd
Speaker:like to join one of these calls, then please go to weeniecast.com,
Speaker:brave biz Labs,
Speaker:and of course, that link is in the show notes. But anyway, back to why
Speaker:we're nothing playing with the best self anymore when we're referring constantly
Speaker:to our best self. We're thinking of someone who doesn't exist.
Speaker:We're thinking of an idealized version of ourselves who's absolutely
Speaker:perfect in every single way. And we all know that perfect doesn't
Speaker:exist, right? That person does not exist.
Speaker:And so when we try to live our lives to a standard
Speaker:that is based on someone who doesn't exist, guess what happens?
Speaker:We fail. And we fail again. And we fail again and we fail
Speaker:again until it just becomes like this cesspool
Speaker:of shame that we're constantly letting run our lives. And I've been
Speaker:there and I've done that and I have many t shirts from it. And it's
Speaker:not worth it. Because when you're running your life from your quote
Speaker:unquote best self, the thing that drives you is the
Speaker:shoulds. We are the shoulds.
Speaker:I should be doing this. I should be doing that.
Speaker:I should be doing this every single morning. I should have this
Speaker:already. And that's not helpful, especially for those of
Speaker:us with ADHD. We've been shooted our whole life by
Speaker:everyone in school. It's, you should be able to sit still. Why can't
Speaker:you? You should be able to do your homework. Why can't you
Speaker:sit down and do it? You should be able to focus in our first
Speaker:few jobs, or maybe even right now, it's, oh, you should be able to meet
Speaker:deadlines, you know, you should be able to focus in meetings.
Speaker:You should be able to respond to all the emails in a timely manner, to
Speaker:which I say no, Sharon, if you want me to respond to your email, don't
Speaker:give me a scary subject line. At least put an emoji in it. Come
Speaker:on. Even in keeping up our houses, even
Speaker:in doing our everyday routines, you know, you should be eating healthier.
Speaker:You should be tidying as you go, you know, you should fold
Speaker:your laundry, which, no, no, I refuse.
Speaker:So the best self model, like well intentioned,
Speaker:actually doesn't do anything for us, it actually sets us
Speaker:back because it makes us feel like we're already behind. And when we feel
Speaker:like we're already behind, guess what? Nothing we do from there
Speaker:matters because we're already behind. We've already failed.
Speaker:Right? And what happens when the thing that you're doing every day doesn't matter?
Speaker:You don't get any dopamine from it. And when you don't get any dopamine from
Speaker:it, you're basically constantly in a dopamine deficit, which
Speaker:means your executive dysfunction is going to be that much worse.
Speaker:So instead of turning to our best
Speaker:self for inspiration, let's turn to something
Speaker:else. Let's turn to something better, something more enjoyable, something that we have
Speaker:far easier access to. And that is our
Speaker:favorite self.
Speaker:Your favorite self is so different from your best self.
Speaker:Your favorite self is the version of you that you
Speaker:are so excited to be in any
Speaker:moment of any day. I want you to think about your favorite self
Speaker:in friendship. You know, it really boils down to who do you want
Speaker:to be? Who do you want to show up? As for the people that you
Speaker:love? Your favorite self in romantic relationships, your
Speaker:favorite self at work, your favorite self with your pets, your
Speaker:favorite self with your bedtime routine. Your favorite
Speaker:self gets to show up to every aspect of your life and there's no
Speaker:prerequisite to becoming your favorite self in any given
Speaker:moment. Hell, I want you to imagine something simple like going to the grocery
Speaker:store. Who's your favorite version of yourself? Who goes to
Speaker:the grocery store? My favorite self who goes to the grocery store,
Speaker:has music on, is listening to music in her
Speaker:Airpods, is smiling at people, is really excited to see what
Speaker:produce is freshen. Takes her time to really think
Speaker:about what she wants to make for dinner and lunches for that week.
Speaker:You know, my favorite self picks out a treat for herself cause
Speaker:she deserves it. My favorite self loves making conversation
Speaker:with my cashier as they're checking out all my stuff. I love bagging
Speaker:for myself and there's like a bounce in my step when I'm being my
Speaker:favorite self at the grocery store. My not favorite self
Speaker:is the one that goes in distracted by something
Speaker:or frustrated with the bad drivers that I encountered
Speaker:on my way to the store. Which if you've ever been to Cape Cod in
Speaker:the summer, you understand it's miserable. My not favorite
Speaker:self gets frustrated when they're out of something that I really wanted
Speaker:instead of getting creative about how I can substitute for it and when I'm
Speaker:not being my favorite self, like without fail, I forget
Speaker:something. It's like I subconsciously know that I want a redo
Speaker:of how I was at the grocery store. And I'm not saying that favorite
Speaker:self doesn't forget stuff, but favorite self, like, figures out ways
Speaker:to work around it. I've been playing with this
Speaker:concept recently, and let me just give you an idea. Ooh, what am I gonna
Speaker:say next? Well, you'll have to keep listening to find out. But first, squirrel,
Speaker:squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.
Speaker:I've been playing with this concept recently, and let me just give you an idea
Speaker:of, like, how insane my life is right now. So I'm currently
Speaker:volunteering on two and a half different political campaigns,
Speaker:local to me, a state senator, and state rep, as well
Speaker:as our national senator. I'm running my business. I'm running the
Speaker:podcast. I'm starting a second business. I've just started
Speaker:a nonprofit, which I'm super excited to announce in a few weeks. Once everything's
Speaker:official, I am actively looking
Speaker:for a boring business to buy. I'm working on
Speaker:not one, not two, but three different books. I'm about
Speaker:to launch myself on a serious pr campaign
Speaker:for the nonprofit and for my work in
Speaker:ADHD. And of course, I'm trying to be a modern
Speaker:woman who has it all together. So I'm trying to meditate, and I'm trying to
Speaker:work out, and I'm trying to take my dog for a walk and train her
Speaker:and have fun with her and make sure that she feels loved because she's basically
Speaker:my child trying to spend time with loved ones. I'm trying to stay in touch
Speaker:with friends. All the things. Oh, and I'm trying to get eight
Speaker:to 9 hours of sleep every night. That is how insane my life is right
Speaker:now. And of course, like, under each one of those categories,
Speaker:there's a whole laundry list of that I have to do. And let me
Speaker:tell you, I have been in executive dysfunction on so
Speaker:much stuff for the last few months, and it wasn't
Speaker:until I started shifting into my favorite self that I actually started
Speaker:getting things done. When
Speaker:we look at our to do list and we think of prioritizing it from a
Speaker:should place again, it is shame based.
Speaker:We should be doing this, and if we don't do it, we're a failure.
Speaker:You know that either or is given to us a lot growing up as
Speaker:ADHD folks. And it's no wonder we talk to ourselves
Speaker:in that way. It's no wonder we should the crap out of
Speaker:ourselves. But when you look at your to do list from a point
Speaker:of what would I enjoy doing in this moment. It completely
Speaker:changes. You know, I started introducing this concept to my clients, and it
Speaker:was interesting. A few different clients have come up with this, but one in
Speaker:particular answered, okay, what? My favorite self only wants me to do jiu
Speaker:jitsu and like, eat this snack that I love, to which I
Speaker:asked, okay, cool, like, could you do jiu jitsu for 7 hours a day?
Speaker:And he said, absolutely not. I would die, you know? Cause that's a
Speaker:pretty intense workout. And could you eat that snack all day
Speaker:long without stopping? I said, no, no, no. Like, my stomach would explode.
Speaker:It would not be good. But I loved that he brought this up. I loved
Speaker:that his first instinct was, no. The favorite self can't
Speaker:be trusted because the favorite self wants me to do stuff that is not
Speaker:productive, quote unquote productive. But I actually think that the favorite
Speaker:self is the most trustworthy version of ourselves that we have. Our
Speaker:favorite self. And I'll use this client as an example.
Speaker:His favorite self wants him to get exercise before he starts work. His
Speaker:favorite self wants him to be well fed
Speaker:before he starts something. Right. Once he goes to
Speaker:a jiu jitsu class and goes and has one of these snacks, what
Speaker:will his favorite self want to do next? This individual that I'm thinking
Speaker:of, you know, his favorite self got him to sign up for BYOB, my build
Speaker:your own business group program.
Speaker:His favorite self knows the work that he wants to do,
Speaker:knows that he doesn't want to stay in his job, knows that
Speaker:he can have a major impact on his clients lives
Speaker:if he just stops being a weenie and goes
Speaker:for it, which, this person is really, really brave and
Speaker:they're doing an incredible job. They've already signed, I think, two high paying
Speaker:clients in their second month of BYOB.
Speaker:You know, we have this innate distrust of our favorite self, thinking
Speaker:that our favorite self only wants us to go and do, like, the quote unquote
Speaker:fun things. But like, yeah, of course our
Speaker:favorite self wants us to go and do the fun things. You know, the fun
Speaker:things are things that give us dopamine. There are
Speaker:things that make life that much more enjoyable. You know, I don't know about
Speaker:you, but when I do something really enjoyable and fun in the
Speaker:morning, like maybe go and have breakfast with
Speaker:girlfriends or take a really fun exercise class,
Speaker:or I, like, have a really, really sweet, like, play session
Speaker:with my puppy, I bounce into my day.
Speaker:I have, like, this really, really buoyant energy that
Speaker:carries me through every task I have to do that day
Speaker:versus me being my best self, where I feel like I've
Speaker:shouldered myself all morning and still not met the
Speaker:standard. I start my day feeling behind. I
Speaker:start my day feeling less. We don't trust our favorite self
Speaker:because growing up, our world told us
Speaker:that this isn't all fun and games, that life
Speaker:has to be serious, that we have to get stuff done, that we have to
Speaker:sit down and focus, that we have to be quiet, especially if you
Speaker:were disruptive in the classroom like I was. I was a big
Speaker:talker. It's one of the reasons why the more work I do
Speaker:on ADHD and the more clients I work with and
Speaker:the more stories I hear from clients about their childhoods,
Speaker:the more I believe there has to be a different educational structure
Speaker:for ADHD people growing up that's more
Speaker:supportive of how our brains work, how our chemistry works,
Speaker:because how the educational system is set up right now gets us
Speaker:completely out of touch with our favorite self. It sows
Speaker:distrust between us and our favorite self.
Speaker:It teaches us that our favorite self is this irresponsible,
Speaker:flippant, awful, kind of, like, lazy
Speaker:person who shouldn't be allowed to drive the bus. But
Speaker:actually, when we let our favorite self drive our bus,
Speaker:our favorite self knows exactly how we need to
Speaker:do what we need to do. You know, in prepping for
Speaker:this episode, I was talking with my producer, Neil, and we
Speaker:were talking about, can I out you? Of course. And we were talking about our
Speaker:favorite selves and, like, the things that they want us to investigate. And he was
Speaker:talking about how he just went down this rabbit hole on ghost hunting
Speaker:and how, like, he had. He just spent hours
Speaker:researching different methodologies and different haunted dwellings and all this
Speaker:stuff, and he was so interested. And as we were talking through the favorite self
Speaker:paradigm, he was saying, you know, if I had been given this lens
Speaker:to study history, I would have aced every single history
Speaker:test. And how true is that? Think about it. Like,
Speaker:how. Like, what is the thing that interests you most? And
Speaker:how could it have been applied to help you learn something
Speaker:better?
Speaker:Like, I'm convinced that if they had related math to either
Speaker:money or knitting, I would have picked up math
Speaker:way quicker. I would have had less struggles. I would
Speaker:have found ways to learn that not
Speaker:only gave me a deeper understanding of the
Speaker:concepts, but also useful for the hobbies that I was
Speaker:really curious about, you know, making money and knitting. The
Speaker:cool thing about shifting into your favorite self is it can happen at any
Speaker:moment. There was a moment this
Speaker:week where I was looking at my miles long to do list with all
Speaker:these massive projects that I'm currently working on. And as you can
Speaker:imagine, I got super overwhelmed, and I couldn't prioritize, and
Speaker:I felt myself kind of shrinking back and thinking about all
Speaker:the shoulds. We are the shoulds.
Speaker:Like, I should be working on this, and I should be working on this. And
Speaker:they're all competing. They all seem important and urgent. And I stopped myself, and I
Speaker:was like, okay, cool. Like, let's touch base with my favorite self. What does my
Speaker:favorite self think? We need to spend some time on the. And my
Speaker:favorite self stopped me in my tracks and was like,
Speaker:and not just your desk. Like,
Speaker:that has made the room cluttered. And go
Speaker:and spend ten minutes just putting stuff in a garbage bag. Just
Speaker:get it out of here. You don't have to clean, but just get the clutter
Speaker:out. And so I did that, and it took about five minutes. And then I
Speaker:noticed, oh, there's a lot of mugs up here. There's a lot of mugs
Speaker:and cups up here in my office because they tend to just collect. You
Speaker:know, I don't know if you have this experience, like, your flavor of
Speaker:ADHD. It's like, once you're done with something, it ceases to
Speaker:exist to you. So, like, once I finish drinking
Speaker:coffee out of this mug, the mug will just not exist.
Speaker:Like, it doesn't need to be taken back to the kitchen to be put in
Speaker:the dishwasher because it no longer is there. It, in my
Speaker:mind, its usefulness to me in this moment is
Speaker:done. So why would I? It's one of the reasons I think also we
Speaker:are really bad at, like, closing drawers and cupboards
Speaker:because we've gotten the plate out of the cupboard. Like, what do we need to
Speaker:do with the cupboard then? You know, we got the socks out of the drawer.
Speaker:That was it. Like, there's no next step. You just needed
Speaker:socks. Like, the drawer being open and needing to close, not a thing.
Speaker:My favorite self, you know, had me gather up all the mugs and all
Speaker:the cups and take them down to the kitchen. And I realized, oh, the dishwasher
Speaker:is full of clean stuff. Put those things away. I loaded up the dishwasher with
Speaker:some things, gave the dogs a treat, and then came back. My favorite
Speaker:self knew exactly what I wanted to work on first. And it was
Speaker:the thing that was most urgent,
Speaker:that had the highest priority, that had the most important,
Speaker:and I was able to start without that shame looming
Speaker:over me, without that should. Without that expectation of how it should have
Speaker:gone. And since I've shifted into this favorite self
Speaker:way of doing life. I
Speaker:have not struggled with executive dysfunction. The only
Speaker:reason I have not gotten things done since shifting into favorite self is
Speaker:because I just kind of run out of time. You know, I'm realizing just how
Speaker:unrealistic I am in assigning work to myself. And as I spend
Speaker:more time with my favorite self, I realize how much of
Speaker:her I already am. And as I realize how much of my
Speaker:favorite self I already am, my confidence levels grow.
Speaker:I stop questioning myself at every
Speaker:front about, oh, well, should I do this? And should I do that? I know.
Speaker:I know what I need to do and I know what I want to do.
Speaker:I know who I want to be in every moment.
Speaker:And it's not based on who I need to mirror
Speaker:to pass as normal, to pass as neurotypical. You
Speaker:know, something that those of us with ADHD, especially
Speaker:those of you who are diagnosed late, I was lucky enough, I was very lucky
Speaker:to be diagnosed early on in my life. Something that we
Speaker:are raised to do for our own well being, for our own
Speaker:safety. But when we're mirroring everyone else
Speaker:person we're not being is ourselves. And when we spend that much
Speaker:time not being ourselves, it's really hard to be confident in who we are.
Speaker:It's really hard to be confident in what it is that we want to do.
Speaker:And I think that's one of the reasons why it takes people so long sometimes
Speaker:to realize that they want to start a business because they spend so
Speaker:little time actually being themselves and
Speaker:thinking about what they want, that it can take years, if not
Speaker:decades for that deep want of starting a business, running
Speaker:a business, having real impact on the world, and having the freedom and
Speaker:flexibility that comes with it. It takes so long for that
Speaker:message to come through and for it to come through strong enough for them
Speaker:to actually get started. So I'd love to
Speaker:hear from you, my listeners, who is your favorite self
Speaker:and my favorite self right now reminds me that I'd be remiss if I didn't.
Speaker:Thank you. This is
Speaker:our 100th episode of the Weenie cast. This
Speaker:is the 100th time, if you've been with us from the very
Speaker:beginning that we've talked through, how you
Speaker:can run life better with your adhd while still
Speaker:pursuing your dreams. And I
Speaker:am honored every time I talk with my producer and hear how
Speaker:many people are listening to the podcast, every time I get a message from
Speaker:one of you about a tip that you got
Speaker:that helped you be better in your work or something that you
Speaker:learned about yourself or just the fact that listening to this
Speaker:podcast made you feel understood and seen. Thank
Speaker:you for listening. If you're ready to stop being a
Speaker:weenie and actually run a business that makes money, then go ahead and book
Speaker:a generate income strategy call with me by going to
Speaker:weeniecast.com strategycallen.
Speaker:On this call we will talk about your goals, your dreams, and your
Speaker:frustrations in getting there. And if it's a fit for both of us,
Speaker:then we can talk about different ways to work together.
Speaker:It teaches us that our favorite self is this irresponsible,
Speaker:flippant, awful, kind of like lazy person
Speaker:who shouldn't be allowed to drive the boat or who
Speaker:shouldn't be allowed to drive the bus. I feel like buses are more utilitarian when
Speaker:it comes to life. Like, who spends life going around by boat unless you live
Speaker:in a place like Venice. Personally, if I had to run my life by boat,
Speaker:I would get really, really tired of it really fast. Cause like,
Speaker:okay, so think about it. You get into your car or you get into a
Speaker:bus and you drop your keys. They land on the ground, you can pick them
Speaker:up. You get into a boat and you drop your keys. You're going
Speaker:for a swim and maybe you're not even getting them back.
Speaker:Maybe it's too deep. It's very inconvenient. I
Speaker:don't know why I brought boats up.
Speaker:Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.